Boundaries

I was having a great coaching session with my good friend Adrienne. We were discussing the feedback on my You Tube videos and how it affected me. I was analyzing my reaction during and after the conversation with the person I was asking feedback from. At first, I understood and was thankful for the honest tips. After the call I was motivated to change everything about how I look. Even longer after the cal, I began feeling hurt and worthless. After I discussed the feelings I had in the journal community I felt empowered again to keep making my videos but to chart my progress in hopes that others could learn from what I was experiencing.

So, let me get back to the point. I was talking to Adrienne asking her to help me figure out why I have a delay in my reactions to situations that bother me deep down inside. I know my feelings are hurt, I try to pretend they aren't. I even convince myself that I am okay with everything. I know somewhere inside of me that the meltdown is going to happen, but I try to act like it is not. I act if everything is okay and then I realize eventually it is not okay.

We (Adrienne) and I began looking back in my week at what really triggered this feeling of unworthiness that was prompting me to want to give up on my life coaching. It stemmed from the comments my Dad made to me days before the call I set up to receive feedback and suggestion on how to make my videos more effective. I first reacted to what my Dad said with no response to him. I did not tell him I didn't appreciate what he said, I just let it roll of my back. Then I vented to my coaching group and said I was fine. I thought I was. A few days later I shut down. Not for long, but I shut down and began to doubt myself. Then, because I don't give up, I reached out for help from my friend and she helped me to see what the underlying cause of all of the unworthiness was.

It was me NOT setting boundaries. Not telling my Dad that the way he was talking to me was not acceptable. It started the whole cycle. I feel like I don't have a say. I convince myself I am fine with whatever has gone on. It starts to fester inside of me and I get angry. I begin to play the situation over and over in my head until I shut down. So what the little wise woman pointed out to me was that if I set my boundaries I could skip the denial and shut down steps of this process that I don't like. I decided, that if I carry that one step further and allow myself to be upset, grieve, feel the emotions for however long I need to, before analyzing it, I can move through the emotions instead around them.

My emotions were being ignored or skipped over and that was what caused me to shut down. My inner self, in order to not go crazy, made me have emotional overload causing me to shut down and deal with the emotions I tried to ignore.

Of course, being the analytical person I am, I took this one step further and realized ignoring my emotions or denying them is directly related to being abused and told to be quiet about it. Or having a feeling of fright or anger that I was told I should not show. Not being allowed to cry. Being made to feel like I was exaggerating the situation in my home. It makes perfect sense to me now. And what really blows me away is that I had NO idea that it came from me needing to set boundaries. What a trickle down effect this can have. So many areas of my life, that seem so unrelated, are completed related to the inability to set boundaries.

Now with this new knowledge and understanding of myself, I can see how setting my boundaries can really change my life in a positive way. It is exactly what I am learning in the You University program. That "Life is a school", with each new bit of information I can correlate it to my history and apply it to my future story and have more of an impact on the outcome. I can create my life. I can make it be the way I want it to be. I am in control of my own destiny instead of a victim of my circumstance. This is powerful stuff. I mean powerful.

Trading Up

Trading up is the topic this week in my online journaling community, and it came just in time to help me apply it to something that just happened.

So, I am a new Life Coach and I recently changed the message on my answering machine to include this information. Well, I live in the same town as my Father, and he called while I was on the other line. The machine came on and he heard the message. When I called him back, he proceeded to make fun of me. Yeah, I know. How mature is that. Not to mention rude, and on and on and on. So, I did my ranting. Talked to my life coach about it. Did an anger exercise, twice, and went to work out.

Where does the trading up come in. Well, I would have in the past let his ignorance really get me down. It would have taken me a week to stop replaying his comments in my head. However, I "trade up" and decided to not allow this situation to dominate my day or my mind. I got over it fast. As a matter of fact, when I returned from my workout at the pool, I had forgotten the whole thing!

It feels great not to give him the power anymore. I am in control of what affects me. I also decided next time he makes this type of comment I am going to let him know that I don't want to hear it. That if he can't say nice, empowering things to me then I don't want to hear from him. That should go over real well. But again, I am doing it for my own empowerment. I do not care about what it does to him. I am not here on this earth for him to destroy anymore!

And by the way, I know why he does what he does. And I don't care anymore. I am not making excuses for his behavior anymore. I have been his punching bag for long enough. What really feels great is that in writing about this, I have no anger or sadness.

Personal Experiences that lend to Life Coaching

I had a request for some examples of the personal experiences I have had in my life that add to my Life Coaching skills. What a great suggestion.

Let me start with my childhood. I am a survivor of incest. I grew up in an alcoholic environment filled with violence. Living this felt normal, I really thought everyone had this kind of life. I also had great experiences. A loving family, lots of friends, spoiled, loved school, active in sports and made good grades.Growing up like this made me strong and resilient. I was a driven and determined child. No one really knew why, but it was obvious I was head strong, some even labeled it ornery.

It wasn't until into my 20's that my past came back to haunt me. I quickly became addicted to drugs and alcohol because it was a great escape for me. I always wanted to be high, or as messed up as possible, I thought it was fun not to feel. I thought I was just an out of control party animal who was destined to be a failure. What I learned after the birth of my first child was that I was running from the demons of my childhood. The abuse had been blocked from my mind until the information was needed to keep my own child safe. Memories of my abuse came flooding back and this time in my life was very intense. Again, I proved to be able to endure more than others. I learned in this part of my life how to reach out for help and network with those who could guide me. I became an expert on myself and incest. I studied it from every angle because I was driven to understand  it and put a stop to the cycle. I did by the way, stop it.

I was a single parent for 5 years before I married a man who was not the Father of my first born. We had 2 children in our 10 existence together.I am thankful to him for the children and keeping me safe in a time when I felt very insecure and unstable. Unfortunately, I was clinging to him because I was looking for someone to take me away from all of my pain. I needed someone who believed my abuse story. This was him. I needed that so much that I ignored all other signs that it was not a good choice. I ignored my powerful intuition and learned another important thing in life, we need to listen to our inner voice. We need to as women not loose our identity when we enter a relationship.  I matter. What I think, feel and have to say is valid. We all deserve to be heard, acknowledged and loved. Abuse can be mental. It can be disguised as love. I learned that the only person you can change is yourself.

I am a single parent again, learning to love myself and gain my personal power back. I am re-learning what a dynamic person I am with many gifts and talents to offer others. I am very good at listening to my intuition and offering feedback for people in situations I have experienced. I am living the "Life is a School" concept. I love to learn and connect with others who also want to learn. I know that my self awareness will be valuable to my children. It will show them how they can achieve the same level of happiness and fulfillment in their lives. I do not claim to be perfect, but I do let them know I am open to growth and suggestions.

My children are from toddler to teen and my first priority. They have taught me so much about myself because they are little reflections of me. I have given them the voice I never felt like I had, which has opened up the lines of communication between parent and child. They are not afraid. They are not bound by what they can't do, they only know what they will do. They are encouraged. They are normal, don't get me wrong, and I try to embrace even their brattiest of moments. They represent a new generation of people who can look within themselves for love and support as well as accept those around them for who they are and take from them what they need to be happy. Not in a bad sense of taking, but recognizing the good in others and incorporating that into who they are.

My ongoing search for understanding, peace inside of me, happiness and constant learning makes me a valuable person. If you are seeking guidance on your own journey of personal development I am someone with enough life experience to connect with you on many levels. And the best part of all is the opportunity I will have to learn even more from a collaborative coaching experience!

I am a single parent again, learning to love myself and gain my personal power back. I am re-learning what a dynamic person I am with many gifts and talents to offer others. I am very good at listening to my intuition and offering feedback for people in situations I have experienced. I am living the "Life is a School" idea. I love to learn and connect with others who also want to learn. I know that my self awareness will be valuable to my children. It will show them how they can achieve the same level of happiness and fulfillment in their lives. I do not claim to be perfect, but I do let them know I am open to growth and suggestions.

Working hard on You University Promotion

I had never experienced such intense excitement for a project, until I began to work on the marketing launch of You University. 

First I should explain what that is. You University is an amazing comprehensive curriculum for personal growth that was created by my life coach Maia Berens. Maia has been in the personal development industry for many years, as a matter of fact, she worked closely with John Gray. His name probably sounds familiar because he wrote the famous book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus". It sold millions of copies and opened our eyes to a whole new of understanding of relationships. Maia was John's assistant and ran many of his workshops thus learning valuable skills and meeting fabulous people. These tools, and her own life experiences, are the foundation for You University. The school  is a study of your own personal history and exercises aimed at changing how you view your life. Ultimately, you will embrace all of your experiences, good and bad, as the reasons for you being the incredible person you are today.

I am very fortunate to be a part of the implementation of this incredible program.As a coach trained under Maia, I take clients through the University. I am proud to also be a big part of the marketing and upcoming launch of You University. This program is very effective and will change how people view their lives and their experiences. This in turn will lend to the world shift that is going on right now. We are moving to a place of peace and acceptance,  this starts with each individual, which You University facilitates perfectly.

All of this is why I am so excited to be working so hard. It is a great cause and amazing program. I look forward to being part of this positive change  in the lives of our amazing human race.

"Getting to know me" Crystal Church ~ Life Coach

What I do as a Life Coach

Mother's Day

The infamous day of honoring our Mother's or being honored by our children, Mothers day. But what does that really mean? Buying flowers, gifts, gathering to eat a  meal are some of the traditional ways the day is recognized. So much of what we do is dictated by what society and marketing professionals pitch to us that we should do to line their pockets with money from the revenue created by our spending frenzies. I dream for the Mother's Day when it is truly about honoring the role of women in our society. The caretakers, the cook, the housekeeper, the taxi driver are some of the many roles that women play in one single day. I would like to be recognized for this with words and gestures that are done by the people we serve daily as a thanks for our constant support. I am not saying that people don't do this, but I wonder what it would look like if we were not allowed to buy anything to celebrate the day?

You University

If you think it, you can do it!

"If you think you can do a thing or think you can't do a thing, you're right. "
Henry Ford 

Mr. Ford had the original quote and it has been modified through time. There is obvious power in these words. Without this way of thinking our ability to travel would be greatly affected. Our thoughts are the first thing in the creation process. The start to the manifestation process that "sparks" idea and catapults it into an accomplishment.  


Today I am grateful for the power of positive thinking~

How we present ourselves matters

Feeling Empowered

I decided to be brave and go public with my Life Coaching career plans. I know this sounds strange, but the thought of being judged has held me back many times in my life. Well, no more! I don't want to allow what others may think, stop me from following my dreams. I also want to show my kids that if something really feels right, and they want to pursue it (as long as it is legal and doesn't harm others) then they should go for it. I will encourage them to stand at the top of the mountains and shout out to everyone just how happy they are to have tapped into what makes them feel awesome.

Since I started sharing my dream and plan, I have been pleasingly surprised at the really cool feedback I have been getting from people. Even the ones who have known me all of my life and I felt most likely to be judged by. This is really empowering. It feels really good to have support. I think I have been too self conscious in the past and I didn't allow others a chance to stand behind me. I made the mistake of assuming I would be criticized and this kept me from really taking the necessary chances to make dreams come true. I was not utilizing my true talents and personal power.


..........wow, am I ever glad I was able to become aware of this.

The dance

It's May Day!

May day makes me think of my Grandma Kathryn who passed away this last November. She was a really special part of my life, as anyone who is close to me knows. She used to put flowers on my doorstep every year the first of May. She had that special way of making you feel like the only person in the world who mattered. My Mom and I decided to honor her today and go place the most beautiful flowers on her mausoleum. It was a nice bonding moment for us.

Even though today could have made me sad, because I miss my Grandma so much, I found myself applying the principles I have learned from my life coach Maia. She has created a program for working on your personal development called You University. The exercise I used today is called "finding the gift". Each time you find yourself in a negative situation, you try to find at least one gift in it. So the gift for today was the time I got to spend with my Mom carrying on a May day tradition that Gram taught us. Placing the flowers at the cemetery was as close as we could get to placing them at Heaven's door ........it felt really good to honor Grandma Kathryn in this way.

My Mom and I are the new matriarchs of this family and it is important that we carry on the traditions that made our family stay connected while Gram was alive. We need to recognize each other on our special days and during the holidays. Take the time out of our busy lives to just say "hello" and "I love you". Spend time together laughing and having fun and being there to lend a helping hand. These all sound like gratifying tasks to me!