Wonder Woman

Hello Wonder Woman,
Your name tells me a lot about you. I too am a Wonder Woman. It is a tough job, and the best advice I have received lately (just last week) was to take my cape off and take some pressure off myself to do it all (thank you Maia). I am only telling you this because I see similarities between us. I too am very focused on being a good parent and not damaging my kids, so much that I also feel guilty for making mistakes that may have a lasting effect on my kids in their own lives. The truth of the matter is that we as parents will make mistakes. My parents did, I have, and you probably have. That is how we learn, that is also how kids learn. I really love what Maia said about talking with your son. Really no matter what age he is, you can always talk to him on his level and explain that Mom, Mommy or Mother is not perfect. She is human, and humans make mistakes. I try to do this whenever I screw up with my own kids and they are 18, 11 and 3. Of course how I tell them varies with the age, but I still let them see that I can admit when I have done something wrong. I think it helps them to see that if they make mistakes they can do the same thing. I try to tell them what I plan to do so that I don't repeat the mistake and invite them to help me in implementing the change. Maia taught me this. Her specific example was in reference to me wanting to stop yelling when I get mad. She told me to tell the kids that they could ask me to take a time out when I start to loose it. It has actually become quite humorous. When I start to rant or become unreasonable they (and their friends) will say, "I think Mom needs a timeout." I usually end up laughing at hearing them tell me that I need to chill and that diffuses the situation.

My favorite word to explain how I like to parent is 'collaboratively'. It is actually my new favorite word. But it seems to take the pressure off me if I involve them in the parenting process. They get to feel like they have some say in the relationship and I get to feel like I am not in it alone. Of course, I am the parent, I do have the final say, but I am willing to listen (most of the time) to their view of the situation. That is how I do it. It works for me, again, most of the time. But as I said before I am not perfect and sometimes there are just those days when chaos happens. It happens in the real world and I am parenting real kids in the real world.

~Crystal

Step into your life...continued

I woke up still thinking about my blog yesterday and needed to write more about it.

The last part of step into your life talks about "What change do you want to see most occur in the world and how can you facilitate it?" In my view in order to see a change in the world it has more...
The last part of step into your life talks about "What change do you want to see most occur in the world and how can you facilitate it?" In my view in order to see a change in the world it has to start with each and every individual, the first one being myself. That is what is so exciting about the prospect of change. I am dedicated to personal growth and as long as I worry about myself and set an example for others to learn by I am doing my part in the whole shift that we truly need in our world today.

After writing yesterday about others not accepting my straight forward attitude, I received an eye opening quote from a colleague in AZ. Here it is:

"No one can make you feel
inferior without your consent."

Eleanor Roosevelt (1884-1962)
American first lady,
humanitarian, and UN diplomat


This is a big huge reminder that I am definitely in control of my own life. My goals, my dreams, my successes, my failures, and my emotions. So if I have any reaction to how others react to me, I chose it. I can chose to let people make me feel inferior as the quotes says, or I can let it roll off my back and embrace who I am and the positive sides to my personality.

Of course I know that I am in charge of how I react, but forget. I get caught up in the emotional reaction and playing the victim. I think that is why I love this community of people who are dedicated to spiritual growth, it helps me remember all of the important concepts that I need to apply to my life to contribute to the shift within me. This then creates the ripple effect that I find myself talking about a lot. That is what I want my life to be about. Personal development that creates a new vibe on our beautiful planet. A feeling of peace and love that everyone is familiar with and willing to strive for.

Step into your life...

I am direct, I am starting to learn that this is a gift. Most of my life I have been criticized for this quality. Since I have been collaborating with my coaching group and this community I am finding out that this directness, if done in a kind way, is a good trait. People don't have to read between the lines with me because I am straight forward. It is easy to know where I am coming from and how I feel. The community of people who are focused on growth and spirituality seem to embrace this personality type much easier than those less open to change.

It feels like some are threatened by my direct nature. The truth without all of the pretty flowery language is scary. I am really glad to have had this brought to my attention. For so many years I felt like I was to overbearing, that what I had to say was not worthy. I was afraid I was going to be criticized or told to keep my comments to myself. This carried over into giving people constructive criticism. I feared that people would think I thought I was better than them, or what they had to say was no good. I would be very unsure in my response when asked to give feedback. I didn't want anyone to get mad at me.

I need to give credit where credit is due and tell my coach Maia Berens thank you for being patient with me on this issue. Just today she told me she understood now why I would be so unsure when giving her feedback or editing suggestions. I love that she took the time to figure the dynamics of my personality enough to be able to come to this conclusion and share it with me. That is a true professional and a wonderful friend. I have not had many of these types of people in my life. It is refreshing. It also allowing me to see my worth and value and know that what I have to say is good stuff.

Thank you Maia.
You are empowering me to become who I really am!

Side note:
Maia Berens is also the founder of You University. This is a comprehensive program that will be available to the public soon! I am currently enrolled and I am experiencing incredible personal growth and development. I am also a coach featured to facilitate others through the program. It is incredible~can't wait for the launch!

My Purpose

In defining my purpose, I would have to say it would be to share my personal life experiences with others to help them in their personal growth.

I am executing that by being a life coach! I am impacting the world one person at a time. I am living what I teach. I am teaching my children what I know. I am creating the ripple that will turn into a wave of peace throughout our planet.

I am fascinated with understanding our paths and the reason for our journey on earth. I believe each experience we have has it purpose. I love to reflect and learn.

This is what my life to be about. The journey and how to make the best of it. How to show others what I am discovering.

Boundaries......Part 2

I uncovered another negative consequence of not setting boundaries today. I realized that if I don't set boundaries for myself in my work, then I end of exhausted. I also can tend to see any and all needs from others as demands that really piss me off. This all stems from not being able to set the boundary and also recognize when I have crossed my own boundary and pushed myself too hard. I get tired, bitchy and see normal to-do's as huge inconveniences. It is a crazy cycle that I get myself all hyped up in. This was a great topic of discussion in our group coaching call today. It was led by Heather and she picked the theme for today's discussion. It was perfect. It was exactly what I needed to look at from a different perspective that related directly to how hard I push myself. I don't respect my own boundaries enough to stop when it is time. I just keep pushing harder and harder. This drive can be a good quality, I get a lot accomplished and I don't have to be hounded to get something done. BUT, it can be negative as well. This last week it was negative. I didn't listen to my body and mind telling me to give it a rest. I waited until I had a headache and I felt sick before I stopped. I got really crabby and negative in situations that I would normally meet with no problem. This of course causes a ripple effect for the people around me. My business colleagues, my friend, and my family all feel like they are under attack and probably feel guilty if they ask me to do anything. I am glad to have been able to recognize this and get some positive feedback from the coaching group. They gave me the tip to try and recognize the meltdown before it happens and allow myself to take a break. They also made it clear that if I ever feel overwhelmed by anything we are doing, that I need to speak up and say so. Essentially I need to state my needs. Listen to my own body and honor it. I came to the conclusion that this is an area that I do need to work on. It is something I really thought I didn't have a problem with. But clearly I do. I am excited to implement this new way of treating myself. I look forward to understanding the balance I need to be as productive as possible without damaging myself and the people around me that I love.

Boundaries

I was having a great coaching session with my good friend Adrienne. We were discussing the feedback on my You Tube videos and how it affected me. I was analyzing my reaction during and after the conversation with the person I was asking feedback from. At first, I understood and was thankful for the honest tips. After the call I was motivated to change everything about how I look. Even longer after the cal, I began feeling hurt and worthless. After I discussed the feelings I had in the journal community I felt empowered again to keep making my videos but to chart my progress in hopes that others could learn from what I was experiencing.

So, let me get back to the point. I was talking to Adrienne asking her to help me figure out why I have a delay in my reactions to situations that bother me deep down inside. I know my feelings are hurt, I try to pretend they aren't. I even convince myself that I am okay with everything. I know somewhere inside of me that the meltdown is going to happen, but I try to act like it is not. I act if everything is okay and then I realize eventually it is not okay.

We (Adrienne) and I began looking back in my week at what really triggered this feeling of unworthiness that was prompting me to want to give up on my life coaching. It stemmed from the comments my Dad made to me days before the call I set up to receive feedback and suggestion on how to make my videos more effective. I first reacted to what my Dad said with no response to him. I did not tell him I didn't appreciate what he said, I just let it roll of my back. Then I vented to my coaching group and said I was fine. I thought I was. A few days later I shut down. Not for long, but I shut down and began to doubt myself. Then, because I don't give up, I reached out for help from my friend and she helped me to see what the underlying cause of all of the unworthiness was.

It was me NOT setting boundaries. Not telling my Dad that the way he was talking to me was not acceptable. It started the whole cycle. I feel like I don't have a say. I convince myself I am fine with whatever has gone on. It starts to fester inside of me and I get angry. I begin to play the situation over and over in my head until I shut down. So what the little wise woman pointed out to me was that if I set my boundaries I could skip the denial and shut down steps of this process that I don't like. I decided, that if I carry that one step further and allow myself to be upset, grieve, feel the emotions for however long I need to, before analyzing it, I can move through the emotions instead around them.

My emotions were being ignored or skipped over and that was what caused me to shut down. My inner self, in order to not go crazy, made me have emotional overload causing me to shut down and deal with the emotions I tried to ignore.

Of course, being the analytical person I am, I took this one step further and realized ignoring my emotions or denying them is directly related to being abused and told to be quiet about it. Or having a feeling of fright or anger that I was told I should not show. Not being allowed to cry. Being made to feel like I was exaggerating the situation in my home. It makes perfect sense to me now. And what really blows me away is that I had NO idea that it came from me needing to set boundaries. What a trickle down effect this can have. So many areas of my life, that seem so unrelated, are completed related to the inability to set boundaries.

Now with this new knowledge and understanding of myself, I can see how setting my boundaries can really change my life in a positive way. It is exactly what I am learning in the You University program. That "Life is a school", with each new bit of information I can correlate it to my history and apply it to my future story and have more of an impact on the outcome. I can create my life. I can make it be the way I want it to be. I am in control of my own destiny instead of a victim of my circumstance. This is powerful stuff. I mean powerful.

Trading Up

Trading up is the topic this week in my online journaling community, and it came just in time to help me apply it to something that just happened.

So, I am a new Life Coach and I recently changed the message on my answering machine to include this information. Well, I live in the same town as my Father, and he called while I was on the other line. The machine came on and he heard the message. When I called him back, he proceeded to make fun of me. Yeah, I know. How mature is that. Not to mention rude, and on and on and on. So, I did my ranting. Talked to my life coach about it. Did an anger exercise, twice, and went to work out.

Where does the trading up come in. Well, I would have in the past let his ignorance really get me down. It would have taken me a week to stop replaying his comments in my head. However, I "trade up" and decided to not allow this situation to dominate my day or my mind. I got over it fast. As a matter of fact, when I returned from my workout at the pool, I had forgotten the whole thing!

It feels great not to give him the power anymore. I am in control of what affects me. I also decided next time he makes this type of comment I am going to let him know that I don't want to hear it. That if he can't say nice, empowering things to me then I don't want to hear from him. That should go over real well. But again, I am doing it for my own empowerment. I do not care about what it does to him. I am not here on this earth for him to destroy anymore!

And by the way, I know why he does what he does. And I don't care anymore. I am not making excuses for his behavior anymore. I have been his punching bag for long enough. What really feels great is that in writing about this, I have no anger or sadness.