Wonder Woman

Hello Wonder Woman,
Your name tells me a lot about you. I too am a Wonder Woman. It is a tough job, and the best advice I have received lately (just last week) was to take my cape off and take some pressure off myself to do it all (thank you Maia). I am only telling you this because I see similarities between us. I too am very focused on being a good parent and not damaging my kids, so much that I also feel guilty for making mistakes that may have a lasting effect on my kids in their own lives. The truth of the matter is that we as parents will make mistakes. My parents did, I have, and you probably have. That is how we learn, that is also how kids learn. I really love what Maia said about talking with your son. Really no matter what age he is, you can always talk to him on his level and explain that Mom, Mommy or Mother is not perfect. She is human, and humans make mistakes. I try to do this whenever I screw up with my own kids and they are 18, 11 and 3. Of course how I tell them varies with the age, but I still let them see that I can admit when I have done something wrong. I think it helps them to see that if they make mistakes they can do the same thing. I try to tell them what I plan to do so that I don't repeat the mistake and invite them to help me in implementing the change. Maia taught me this. Her specific example was in reference to me wanting to stop yelling when I get mad. She told me to tell the kids that they could ask me to take a time out when I start to loose it. It has actually become quite humorous. When I start to rant or become unreasonable they (and their friends) will say, "I think Mom needs a timeout." I usually end up laughing at hearing them tell me that I need to chill and that diffuses the situation.

My favorite word to explain how I like to parent is 'collaboratively'. It is actually my new favorite word. But it seems to take the pressure off me if I involve them in the parenting process. They get to feel like they have some say in the relationship and I get to feel like I am not in it alone. Of course, I am the parent, I do have the final say, but I am willing to listen (most of the time) to their view of the situation. That is how I do it. It works for me, again, most of the time. But as I said before I am not perfect and sometimes there are just those days when chaos happens. It happens in the real world and I am parenting real kids in the real world.

~Crystal