Emotional Personal Development

.
Click my picture for You Tube
or here for my web page!

1-509-925-9385

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Coming Home………………It’s Not Just Crossing Over. It Can Be a Re-birth


A post prompted by reading Oprah’s interview with John of God, a mystical healer in Brazil


Oprah is a very influential woman and her latest story about John of God, really caught my attention. I don’t have cable TV so I read the interview online. Oprah had on her show a medical doctor named Dr. Rediger. He met and experienced being in the presence of John of God. Dr. Rediger was quoted as saying, “Whatever is happening at the Casa with John of God, I believe it’s not about the phenomena or even about the healer—it’s about a shift that happens to these people internally, spiritually or psychologically". Reading what he said prompted me to see an important connection to my own life and prompted me to write about that.
I began thinking about my most recent step in my journey of personal development. I have been going off an anti-depressant that I have been on for a while and it has really effected me. I have felt ill, emotional and if I used one word to describe the final result of stopping the medication, it would have to be clarity.
A bit of background into why clarity is such an important feeling for me: I am a recovering addict and I have been sober for 4 years. I have spent most of my life looking to cloud how I feel – searching for the perfect numbing substance to take me to the ‘land of bliss’. I am sober. I want to be free of chemicals. My intuition was prompting me that now is the time to go off the chemical that helped me for many years. I decided to trust that intuition.
Here’s how I see the link between what John of God is doing with his extraordinary healing gift and what I am doing in healing my own life. We are both ordinary people who are healing with love and faith.
We are both showing ourselves and the world that our bodies are just merely the vehicle for which we live on earth. The vehicle is subject to breakdowns and the real power of healing doesn’t lie outside of us, but it lies within our souls. As we learn how to tap into this power of our souls……as John of God has and is exhibiting by healing others with his miraculous intuitive mind, we can harness amazing healing power for ourselves and others.


I tapped into my own power to overcome an addictive lifestyle. I went inside myself to find what I needed to heal. The addict was created out of my need for not feeling the horror of my life. I don’t live that life anymore. I have healed and forgiven and will continue to do so for the rest of my life. I have no more need for my old friends drugs and alcohol. My freedom from pain, healing, no longer lies in a substance or a drug. It lies in my ability to learn and trust that I have the answers I need inside of me. My own intuition and instincts and power of my thoughts have healed me from addiction.
So, going back clarity… for the first time, perhaps in my life, I am clear. I am clear on why I did what I did. I am clear about why I am feeling emotions that have been muted and diluted for years. I am not afraid of them because I have learned that you can truly heal what you feel, but only if you feel it.
What caused the shift and the clarity? A conscious choice to feel. A choice that was made when I listened to what my intuition was trying to tell me and a desire to love and understand myself instead of belittling and tearing myself down. A desire to stop resisting.
I know now that I was not born into this world a bad person who wanted to be addicted to drugs and alcohol and make bad choices.
When I met my life coach and mentor, Maia Berens she me that we create EVERYTHING that happens in our lives. I decided to try that philosophy on. My intuition screamed that what told me what she was true.
So I began to take responsibility for everything that happened to me since I arrived here on earth. Once I changed my perspective on my life and agreed that I created it, I was able to stop playing the victim. I was able to see that how I viewed my circumstances was affecting the quality of my life. My situation, my experiences of the past did not change, but how I viewed them did. I could see that I could chose a better life by taking responsibility for creating it. Essentially I could choose to create a happy life.
Today, near the end of an uncomfortable detox, and in the midst of a sober life I realized….I am here, I am home. Amazingly enough coming home didn’t mean death for me. It was quite the opposite. It was a rebirth.
I, like John of God, am normal person, who has tapped into my own spiritual power and used it to heal. I have used it to heal myself. I, like him, feel my work, my change, my shift, has been a divine intervention of some sort – not something I studied in college to learn, but something that was given to me and has actually been inside of me since my birth.
I can see that information that I needed to hear and now and the placement of the proper people to enter my life when and where I needed it, have been a part of this process as well. A big master plan of sorts so that I could see that the power and potential of our spiritual self is unlimited.
And, the timing of this information and the people who have helped to deliver it is important as well. I had to go through all of the suffering and addiction in order to be brought to a place where I was willing to listen. Now, I plan to carry this message through my work as an emotion-based personal development life coach.
Because of my healing and taking responsibility process, I now know my gifts. Now my job is to relay my story to others so they can also see their gifts. I am participating in the ripple effect in the universe we need to change mankind.
In ending I quote Dr. Rediger again. He reported that meeting John of God was life-changing. "Perhaps the real heart within us is not just a pump, he says. “Perhaps the real heart within us is about love and faith. Perhaps the physical body is not who we really are. Perhaps we are these invisible souls walking around, and the body is just an instrument or metaphor for something we are trying to learn.”
We are really on the verge of harnessing our spiritual selves and reaping the benefits as a race. And so it is.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

The Attitude of Gratitude will put you on TOP!

I was feeling grateful for my career tonight and thought I would blog about it. Just prior to writing I happened to go see what the top trending searches for google were this weekend and this is what I read.........

"Rookie Jacoby Ford hauled in six passes for 148 yards to lead the Raiders to a 23-20 overtime victory over the Chiefs in Week 9. It doesn't get much better as far as breakout games go."

I said to myself, wow, this guys a rookie and he is the big news in this weekends football stories. Very cool. but even more so how does this relate to me and my life coaching career. Well, I thought it seemed obvious, but let me go into detail anyway. I am the ROOKIE in life coaching and I feel like the way our business is going and the way we are attracting clients doesn't really get much better as far as breakouts go!

I am loving creating YOU University's allaboutlifecoaching.com with the founder and creator Maia Berens. It is the biggest natural high I have ever encountered since high school sports. I dream about it awake and asleep, it feels so right. All of the pieces just keep falling into place perfectly and everything happens just when it should. I heard a word today in the free online community where I journal ( http://allaboutlifecoaching.com/community-cost-gain) that comes to mind, and it is serendipity. Which by definition means, good luck in making unexpected and fortunate discoveries. That is the experience I am having!

I am sure that football player and I have that same 'on top of the world' feeling because we are both doing what we love and are ON our game! With the right attitude and a mindset of gratitude we can stay in the top ranks and get our individual messages out the the world. My message is that you can create the life you want. All of your misfortunes are really gifts when looked at from the right perspective. Once we step out of  being a victim and see our life as the amazing journey it really is .......we can be grateful.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

BBB Business Review of You University's All About Life Coaching - Life Coach - Santa Monica, CA

This company allaboutlifecoaching.com has been accredited since 10/01/2010 and we are satisfied that it honors its commitment. The company has agreed to uphold our accreditation standards, which include a commitment to act in accordance with ethical business practices and to respond to customer complaints.

Here are a couple of reviews...........




I've been working with Maia Berens and You University on a regular basis for over a year. You University is a valuable and highly professional provider of life coaching and related services. Ms. Berens has been reliable and helpful as promised in all of my dealings with her. Her advice is sound and never judgmental. Ms. Berens has been thoughtful in suggesting what I might do to improve a difficult situation, and extremely creative in sharing stories from her own experience to illustrate techniques for managing emotions. I would recommend You University to anyone who desires to be and do better in any aspect of their life - life is about the process, and Maia Berens has knowledge to share.


Posted on 10/14/2010





    Maia Beren's coaching program literally changed my life, excelerated my growth and moved me towards a potential in myself that I didn't believe existed until she taught me how to see my true being and how to act authentically in any situation. I am so Thankful that she shared her knowledge and teaching with me as coach and mentor. What you can learn by participating in her program is invaluable. I would highly recommend it to anyone who is looking to make permanent changes that stick!


Posted on 10/14/2010























 I am so proud to be a part of this company which is now accredited by the Better Business Bureau. You do not ask to be accredited by them, it doesn't work that way. They chose you!

Wow, we are now amongst the CHOSEN ONES!

BBB Business Review of You University's All About Life Coaching - Life Coach - Santa Monica, CA

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Grief

This post is a tribute to my Sadie
Grief is an emotion that is not only for the loss of a human life. It can about the loss of a relationship, a childhood, or in this case ..........my dog Sadie.


Grief is an emotion defined as:
1. Pain of mind on account of something in the past; mental suffering arising from any cause, as misfortune, loss of friends, misconduct of one's self or others, etc.; sorrow; sadness. [1913 Webster]

Grief has stages that are individual to each human and are not experienced in any specific order, but they are as follows:

1. SHOCK & DENIAL
2. PAIN & GUILT
3. ANGER & BARGAINING
4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS
5. THE UPWARD TURN
6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH
7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE
as taken from  aboutgrief.com

I learned these past few days that there is no time line for when grief will hit you. If you don't deal with grief it will come out in some way. I lost my Grandmother a year ago, and the loss of my dog triggered some incredibly healing tears for me. I had not been able to cry up until this last loss.
I learned that no matter what your conditioning as you were growing up, grief has to be expressed. It is a healthy response to loss. The human body needs to let go of trapped emotion or it can cause illness in many forms.
I miss my dog, but she is in a better place. She taught me many things about giving love and receiving it back as well. She has allowed me to grieve for other losses and understand the importance of being vulnerable. Thank you Sadie for the lessons in life you shared with me, and I will see you on the other side.........








Friday, September 24, 2010

SPIRITED WOMAN: First Ever Spirited Woman "Fall" Top 12 Picks! Wow-O-Wow

SPIRITED WOMAN: First Ever Spirited Woman "Fall" Top 12 Picks! Wow-O-Wow

After clicking the live link on this article, we are 6 down in the picks! This is really great.

A New "Healing" Experience

Just yesterday I had my first appointment with a woman whom I am trading services with. I am acting as her personal development life coach and she is helping me through some old issue by doing a body healing exercise with me. It is really turning out to be an amazing experience for the both of us.

When I coached her yesterday I was able to give an outsider's perspective to the situation she is right in the middle of. Since I am not going through it, I was able to see clearly what I needed to guide her to look at to get the answers she has been searching for. The answers have always been inside of her, I was just able to tap into the triggers that would allow her to see the path to follow. It was very empowering for me. It validated everything I know about myself on a level that was above anything I have felt before. I felt as much joy in helping her, as she did in receiving my help. When I got off the call, I was energized and felt like I could accomplish anything........I mean anything. It was an amazing feeling that lasted the entire day. When I think of what this means, it brings a huge smile to my face. As my chosen path, my job, I will be feeling amazing after my work. How great is that? We spend so much of our life working, that to be able to blend pleasure and work together is the most brilliant thing ever. It brings new meaning to loving what you do as well as finding my special purpose.

The trade happened with us the same day, but later in the evening. It was perfect because my kids were (sort of) in bed and I had privacy. My healer explained the process fully and I was very comfortable with what was about to transpire. She let me know that since we were on the phone, and not face to face, that she would be taking on my body's feelings temporarily so she could intuitively feel what I my body was feeling  in response to the questions she would be asking. She did an invocation to start off that invited the divine and the other powers of the unknown to join us and help us with the healing journey. She placed a virtual shield of safety around both of us to keep us from harm during the session, and away we went.

Her voice was very soft and calming and she asked very specific questions about trapped emotions that my body was holding on to. As she asked the questions she was able to get messages from my body, that her body felt and then she could formulate the answer to the questions she asked. I laid in my bed, relaxed, and listened to what she way saying. I was truly amazed at how right on the answers to the specific questions she posed were. Let me give you an example. She asked if their was a trapped emotion of disgust in me, which there is, and she verified. We then spoke with each other interactively about what she saw and felt this disgust pertained to, and I replied about what I specifically knew the disgust pertained to. Between the both of us what we came up with made perfect sense to me, and after wards she did a ceremonial release of the emotion of disgust. She could feel it go out of her body, which was actually my body that she was temporarily in to feel my emotions, and I could also feel it. It was a tingling sensation in certain areas of my body, and upon talking about where we each felt it, they were exactly the same areas. Pretty unbelievable. The session was just short of an hour, and each time we released a trapped emotion, I felt something different inside of myself. I felt sort of clean and pure, and maybe a hint of what it felt like to be a brand new baby without any negative experiences in my soul.
I was pretty fatigued after the session was over, she explained what to expect in the next few days and let me know if  I needed to talk to her about anything I experienced, that I was free to call. Because your body is getting rid of emotion which is toxin, she suggested I drink plenty of water. Also, body work is physically and mentally draining, she also recommended I be very aware of my feelings and interactions with others and practice good self care.

I am very excited to watch this all unfold. We both have at least 3 more sessions with each other and I am confident this will be a life changing experience for the both of us. We both marveled in the fact that we found each other in the 'internet sea' and knew immediately it was meant to be. (a little unplanned poetry there!) It truly is no accident that we are able to help each other with our specific gifts and I am convinced this is the beginning of an amazing journey into my next phase of life as a coach. I am proud to be putting my God given talents to work in a way that benefits myself as well as my clients.




Tuesday, September 14, 2010

To-the-TOP Tuesday- Rules -
In order to be considered for the co-host spot you must follow all of the rules!

  1. Follow your hosts (me) One Little Mister and (Mer) Mommy Is Crafty. (We WILL follow you back, so you're guaranteed 2 new followers from this! And this is required to participate.)
  2. Follow our co-host – She’s Mommafied 
  3. Grab our new Blog Hop button and post about the link-up on your blog.
  4. Add you blog to the linky list!
DO NOT LIST GIVEAWAYS!
I will be deleting them this week. Also, don’t make duplicate links….link you blog ONE time.
Try to choose 4-5 other blogs to follow, tell them you found them at TTT Tuesday Blog Hop!  You are not required to follow back but it is nice to do so, and highly encouraged.
Please make sure you have a way for people to follow you, i.e. Google Friend Connect. 
The link-up will be open until midnight tonight but will be visible all week!
You are also encouraged add the linky code (posted below) on the blog post you make.  It will show all of the blogs that have entered here, people can link-up through your blog, and it will update on all of the lists.
- Code -
- Co-host Spot -
In order to be considered for the cohost spot you must 1 – follow the rules and 2 – comment & let us know you are interested in cohosting & leave a link to the post you made.  The cohost will be chosen from the comments section, not the linky.
Photobucket


This linky is open to family-friendly blogs ONLY!!! Any inappropriate links will be deleted!

  1. One Little Mister: Your follow-back HOST! ;)
  2. Mommy Is Crafty: Your follow-back HOST! ;)
  3. Shes Mommafied: Your follow-back CO-HOST!
  4. Mary @ To Spend Or Save
  5. Crazy About My Baybah
  6. Maureen Makes It: Sew, Craft, DIY *I FOLLOW BACK*
  7. Mrs. O'Brien @ Lil Bits. Big World
  8. MOM'S BEST BETS
  9. Quality time
  10. Mandalyn and The Stinky Cheese
  11. Jamarah Crafty Creations
  12. A Spicy Boy, A Cat, and My Fat Ass
  13. Twice: First Came Twins
  14. Blueberry Craft and Hobby Time
  15. The Adventures Of A Greek/Italian Girl
  16. Dearheart Designs
  17. Tidbits From A Mom
  18. Diary of a Chic Mommy-I follow back!!
  19. MAMA TO 3 BLESSINGS, SOON 4!
  20. Just Hide the Dishes in the Dryer
  21. {SeMi}CrAzEd *follows back*
  22. Mommy Minded Always Follows Back! : )
  23. Please visit I Design, pretty please? : )
  24. One Creative Housewife
  25. dosedannie
  26. Completed Towels at SD
  27. Life is written in permanent ink theres no erasing
  28. featuring life in a nutshell
  29. The Frugal Free Gal
  30. You Brew My Tea
  31. The Team
  32. Diary of a Devil Dog Wife
  33. Living On Love and Cents
  34. LindaLoves and will follow back
  35. Save With Me!
  36. Fairy Good Mommy
  37. Traci66~*Follows Back*
  38. Adventures of the Domesticated Mama-I follow back!
  39. Kostiuk Crew- I always follow back
  40. Fiona Designs
  41. Thirty-One by Lauren
  42. CHubby CHeeks THinks
  43. My Life as a Wife and Mommy
  44. Mommy's Little Dinos
  45. Shining2Save
  46. Feeding Four
  47. Not So Homemade- Cooking, Crafts, and MORE!
  48. Home Sweet Farm
  49. Real Life Knits
  50. The Caffeinated Globe ~ I WILL FOLLOW YOU BACK!
  51. Happenings of the Harper Household
  52. JaMonkey
  53. Thanks, Mail Carrier
  54. Same Sweet Girl: Memoir of a Southern Belle
  55. Saveatunities
  56. Confessions Of A Mommy & Wife
  57. FABULOUS AND PRACTICALLY FREE!
  58. Stilettos & a fishing pole
  59. Pretty in Pink Gloss
  60. The Not-So-Secret Confessions of a First Time Mom
  61. MidWest Mommy Review
  62. Denise @ PitterPat and the StickyCat
  63. Thoughts Of A Working Mom
  64. Jamarah Crafty Creations
  65. A moment with Megan
  66. Uyen @ Ramble Road Ramblings (LINKY)
  67. Mrs. Sassy Crafter
  68. Linda's Lunacy
  1. The Nutritionist Reviews and Giveaways
  2. Two Girls and a Soldier
  3. The Domesticated Diva
  4. Mothers' Hideaway- The Bridal Party
  5. Four Ransoms and a Farm
  6. Stephanie @ Ecstatically Pregnant
  7. A Ruffle In Time
  8. A Mom's Awareness
  9. PinkDivaCafe
  10. Courtney @ One Fine Wire
  11. MomsReview4You
  12. The Frugal Navy Wife
  13. Having FUN with BAKING!
  14. Exercise at home blog, I FOLLOW BACK!
  15. Random thoughts, advice, reviews I FOLLOW BACK!
  16. mY Journey to positive thinking, I FOLLOW BACK!
  17. One brownie at a time
  18. Marine Parents
  19. FunFritzFamily FOLLOWS BACK-LEAVE COMMENT
  20. 365 Days of Life - I HAPPILY FOLLOW BACK!
  21. Inspiring You To Save
  22. Closer To Lucy (follows back)
  23. Domestically Disabled
  24. A Mom's Balancing Act
  25. Arbor Creek- Follows Back
  26. Simply Stacie
  27. Coupon Hound
  28. Nascar Cake FAIL @ LambAround
  29. Musings of a Modern Mom
  30. Just Another Day In Paradise
  31. Share the Bible with MusingMom
  32. secrets of getting kids to eat veggies!
  33. Sippy cups and cloth bums
  34. Get Healthy Cheap *Follows Back*
  35. theclarkfamily
  36. a tale of three poags!
  37. Nicki Woo - The Home Guru *follows back*
  38. Our Little Family Tree
  39. Beloved Mama follows 2!
  40. Joy @ Mommaskindacrafty
  41. Freckles and Fudge
  42. Webbisodes
  43. Have Sippy Will Travel (I follow back!)
  44. Shibley Smiles
  45. Nesting with Niall
  46. Sueberry Lane
  47. Through my eyes
  48. Her Good Intentions (FOLLOWSBACK)
  49. Graphic Freebies, Rants/Raves, PW Ads, fun!
  50. The Mommy Mambo
  51. i guess you could say we have a good life
  52. A LITTLE BIT OF EVERYTHING
  53. wv stitcher I always follow back
  54. BackWoods Mamma
  55. Paisley Passions
  56. EVERYTHING MOM AND BABY
  57. The Things We Find Inside
  58. Working Mommy brain
  59. What Not To Wear
  60. A to Z for Moms Like Me
  61. GarciaMania: recipes, crafts, and Mommy wisdom
  62. Positive Kismet *Follows back
  63. Unexpectedly Expecting Baby
  64. Coco Snowflakes
  65. Green Momma
  66. This linky list is now closed.

Monday, September 6, 2010

EXPLOSION

The relationship with my ex-husband is really starting to work. Meaning I feel like I am handling his emotions well. He has not changed but I am changing how I react to him. I have also decided that he will not be allowed to treat the boys the way he has treated me and my daughter in the past. My middle one came home from an overnight with him completely broken down. It broke my heart. He was teased and picked at the entire time, and was on the verge of tears when he came home. His Dad stayed for a while and was in his room with both boys and I could hear him picking on him. I said something about it, and the Dad asked my son if he felt like he was being mean to him. My son is very good about speaking his mind and said, yes Dad you have been at me all day and yesterday.

EXPLOSION!

The Dad reacted as he would with me during the marriage. Ranting, and cussing about how he wasn't f-ing picking on him. They had fun and that he was just a baby. He ended with I am out of here, gave the littler on a hug good bye and had to get in one more verbal dig by saying "I am out of here, your LITTLE baby brother is pissing me off" or something to that effect. My son yelled, "GOODBYE" and the door was slammed.

My heart was just breaking for him. I instantly hugged him and he teared up of course! What a jerk. This is NOT how you treat your kids. This is not how you treat anyone. This is exactly why I divorced him. I have been working very hard on myself and my relationship with my kids so they don't have to look back at their childhood and have memories like the one just created by his Dad. I talked with my son several different time throughout the day about this event. I let him know it is not okay to be treated like that by anyone, especially your parent. I let him know (he is 11) he can choose whether or not he spends time with his Dad. I also let him know that I wanted to talk to his Dad about getting some counseling for parenting. He thought that would be a good idea.

His reaction to this request will be interesting and I will deal with that when I get there. I just know that I cannot allow my kids to be mistreated like this.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Day 207: Crystal Church

Day 207: Crystal Church
The "Get Inspired" Interview

“ … what comes right to my mind is to never give up, and I guess that life is always evolving and that it’s not like start and finish.  It’s start, climb one hill, kind of smooth out for a little while, and then life will present another challenge that instead of letting it knock you down and make you curl up in a ball and not function, you just say ‘Okay, well, here it is, what are my resources, what do I need to do to get through this?’”

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

I have been reminded of who I am

My life has changed so much in the past year that it is truly unbelievable.  I don't want to sound like someone who is trying to promote anything, but seriously, since I have began a life coaching relationship with Maia and went through her personal development program (YOU University) my whole everything has changed.

The most noticeable to me is the way I feel inside. I am 42 years old and for the first time in my life I don't have internal turmoil going on inside of me. I don't feel anxious, worried, or stressed out for no apparent reason. I had physical responses of stress several times a day for reasons that I could not figure out. Goose bumps, clenched jaw, holding my breath and many other things would happen at any given time and I thought it was normal. I had been experiencing this for so long, I thought it was just me. I figured I was just a broken person.

I have been able to go back into my early childhood years and identify situations that created this stress (which over the years rolled into post traumatic stress syndrome) and work through these issues. I have been to counselors, therapists, and talked with many people throughout my life, but nothing came close to getting to the root of the problem AND dealing with it like YOU University and Maia have.

Beyond dealing with it, I have learned to more or less re-program how I think and feel. And actually I would have to say it was more like re-setting myself back to the point in my life where I didn't have all of the stresses. The pure and untainted soul of my little girl. I have always been inside of me, I just built up all of these barriers and defenses to keep everyone (including me) away from me.

Now I am at peace with me. I can trust myself and my intuitions. I can love myself and see that I am very capable and smart. I have great conversations with people because I am able to express myself in a manner that is not offensive.  I have also began creating a new circle of people who nurture me, support me and that don't judge me for my mistakes. This has all happened for me because I changed my perspective of myself.  I  love me.  As Maia so perfectly states, "I have been reminded of who I am."

Friday, August 20, 2010

Receiving Love and Gifts of Gratitude

On a human level love and gratitude is validating. It gives purpose to our existence. On a personal level it makes me feel proud of the person I am. I feel rewarded by the gratitude. It makes me smile and have an energy that is vibrant and contagious.

If gratitude is hard to receive, I try to look at why. It may be that I don't feel like I deserve the gratitude. This could be because I know I could have done better, or it could be because I am not used to hearing it. In my life I have not heard much gratitude. It is not something I experienced in my family. It was almost viewed as a sign of weakness to express your gratitude to someone.
I really don't think having a hard time receiving compliments or gifts or love has anything to do with not having gratitude yourself. I think it has more to do with not having the proper amount of self esteem and self value. I think it is learned early on by the adults around you and what they role model. This is a good thing because it can be re-learned once you realize that you are not able to receive it properly. I have had to relearn this and it has been just as powerful as learning to have a grateful attitude. They both go hand in hand.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

The Attitude of Gratitude

My attitude of gratitude controls how happy I am in my life. Life still goes on and stuff is always happening, but my perception of the stuff that happens it so much brighter when I am able to find the gift. I have lived my life with no gratitude and it got me no where but depressed, broke and very addicted. My search for the perfect high was really my way of trying to create a sense of gratitude. But, I have since learned that no substance can give me this. It is only through my own choice of outlook that I can feel grateful. I give this to myself. No one else does. No substance does. This is actually a great thing. It costs nothing but my time and energy. I do not have to count on anyone to give it to me. And, it is available all of the time!





When I encounter that ungrateful person, I have no desire to be around them. I may try to get them to see how their attitude affects their life, but if I am met with resistance, I just try to remove myself from their presence as soon as possible. When this is not an option, like with my kids, I try to role model for them what great power gratitude has in it. If they are insisting on staying stuck in negativity, I listen, and then I ask them to try and state one positive thing about what ever is going on. They usually can. It is like changing a bad habit, I keep reinforcing the idea and eventually they will make the change. Hopefully they don't leave the nest and forget everything I taught them! But since the kids' Dads are perfect examples of ungrateful people and what you get from a negative attitude, I think they can see the contrast and will make the choice to be grateful.

Being ungrateful seems like such a waste of time and energy. It also affects the vibe around the ungrateful person. I want to see a positive change globally and when people don't buy into this it bothers me. It is defeating my purpose. On a personal level when my family is not grateful for the things I do, I am hurt. I feel like I am not valued. I am learning however that if family continues to be ungrateful, then I have to be the one to stop giving. Otherwise I am just setting myself up for disappointment. With my children, I don't stop giving. They are my students and I am to teach them. So, I explain to them the best I can how they are making me feel and that a consequence could be me ceasing to do the nice things I do. I explain that is not what I want to do, what I want is them to be grateful and to show that with their action or words.

This topic is going to need more than one entry, so I will leave it here for now.

being present in the moment at the river

My experience in being trained by Maia Berens through YOU University




My video description of the amazing experience of being trained as a life coach through YOU University.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Blog hop Tuesday

To-the-TOP Tuesday



Click the cute icon to see what this is all about!

Thursday, August 12, 2010

'Trading up" a post by YOU University Coach, Crystal Church

Trading up is the topic this week in my online journal community, and it came just in time to help me apply it to something that just happened.
So, I am a new Life Coach and I recently changed the message on my answering machine to include this information. Well, I live in the same town as my Father, and he called while I was on the other line. The machine came on and he heard the message. When I called him back, he proceeded to make fun of me. Yeah, I know. How mature is that. Not to mention rude, and on and on and on. So, I did my ranting. Talked to my life coach about it. Did an anger exercise, twice, and went to work out.
Where does the trading up come in. Well, I would have in the past let his ignorance really get me down. It would have taken me a week to stop replaying his comments in my head. However, I “trade up” and decided to not allow this situation to dominate my day or my mind. I got over it fast. As a matter of fact, when I returned from my workout at the pool, I had forgotten the whole thing!

It feels great not to give him the power anymore. I am in control of what affects me. I also decided next time he makes this type of comment I am going to let him know that I don’t want to hear it. That if he can’t say nice, empowering things to me then I don’t want to hear from him. That should go over real well. But again, I am doing it for my own empowerment. I do not care about what it does to him. I am not here on this earth for him to destroy anymore!
And by the way, I know why he does what he does. And I don’t care anymore. I am not making excuses for his behavior anymore. I have been his punching bag for long enough. What really feels great is that in writing about this, I have no anger or sadness.

 'Trading up" a post by YOU University Coach, Crystal Church

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Making Strides

I am currently reading "Healing the Shame that binds you" by John Bradshaw. It is an assigned reading for me by my life coach Maia Berens. I have been experiencing some familiar old feelings as I read through the material and it talks about the negative side of shame caused by various childhood abuses.

I have talked openly in this blog about being a survivor of incest and some of the other experiences I had growing up in an alcoholic family. I have also done some serious soul work to heal the effects of my past. I was however taken a bit by surprise as I mentioned in the beginning of this post, to have these intense feelings come rushing back prompted by reading the book. I first began to notice the anger. Thoughts like, why didn't you protect me? What were you thinking? How could you do those awful things to your own child? My anger actually creeped into our group coaching call and when it was my turn to talk I tried to express it. I don't feel like I was too successful in relaying my feelings to the group, but they seemed to get that I was in distress. Maia, who identifies with the situation understood and agreed to talk with me about in more detail the following day. Both of the other group members touched base with me to also offer their support. This was an amazing feeling. And actually now that I think about it, this show of support and unity is a big part of how I was able to move away from the feeling of "being out of control" much quicker that in the past.

In earlier years of dealing with memories or flashbacks of abuse I would shut down for several days. More specifically I would become withdrawn and non-communicative with the people in my life. I would feel tired and want to sleep more and basically get really depressed. Not this time! I had great conversations with my fellow coaches and with their help was able to see the growth that I have accomplished and the wonderful things I have done in light of my abusive upbringing. I was able to see the reaction for what it was, just that, a reaction. Not the abuse happening again.

The amount of time spent in a "funk" was less than 24 hours. I did not shut myself off, actually the contrary. I was open to talking about my feelings and navigating my way through them. AND the big thing for me was that I had the tools to work through the issue. I have learned so much lately from being in a coaching group, having an incredible life coach, keeping an open minded and doing my work in YOU University. I am proud of myself. I feel great. I am continuing to read the book without fear of what it might trigger because I know that I can handle it and it will be a learning experience for me.

When I step back and take a look at the big picture, I can really appreciate this latest experience. It can be used as another teaching tool for my clients. I can relate to people who have gone through this same trauma (with my first hand experience) AND show them the tools that are available to help them deal with it. More specifically I can facilitate their journey through YOU University in a unique and personal way.

Just one more validating experience in the journey as a YOU University life coach!

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

A Conversation that never was

THE PROBLEM:

I am really sick of how you are such a part-time Dad and that the only time you want to take your kids is when it is convenient for you. Your partying always comes first. You are almost 50 years old and you keep acting like a child. You make me sick. You don't care about building a relationship with them. You certainly aren't concerned about my stress level. If you did you would answer the phone when I call and need you to help out with them.

I know you are a liar and probably always have been. Who am I kidding. You have lied the entire time I have known you. I let you, I was so needy that I ignored the signs. I wasn't perfect either. I was not faithful and I lied about it. We killed our relationship with drugs and alcohol and the final straw was my sobriety. You never supported me in that, and now you are going off the deep end. What a loser you are.

Sometimes I wish you would just disappear. Fade out of our lives so that your inconsistencies with the kids would stop being hurt by you. But that would be a catch 22, they would be heart broken. Really I just want you to have no affect on me or them and that only seems possible if you just go away.

You are ignorant and arrogant. I am done with men like you. I deserve better, I am better. I am done being held captive by men like you who prey on my neediness. I am not needy anymore. I do not need someone to make me whole. I am completing myself. When I am ready to attract the right person into my life I will. As a matter of fact, from now on, whatever I need in my life I will attract.

I have always had the power to manifest what I need. I just was hiding from it. I have created incredible children, yes you helped, but from here on out I will teach them how to also manifest everything they need. This is my gift to you and me.





THE QUESTION:
I'm curious... why did you go with this guy in the first place.
I see this all the time. Women going with guys, that you know won't go anywhere, its just not a good match. do they think they will change these guys.. is their an attraction to these "bad boys" what is it?



THE ANSWER:
Great question, and I didn't used to know the answer to it. I thought growing up that it had something to do with the "bad boy" image, and in part it does.

In order for you to understand I need to explain the environment I grew up in. This is not an excuse for my choices in men, but it does have a huge impact. My Dad was an alcoholic who beat the hell out of my Mom and terrorized us both. He also sexually abused me and raped her. He was mean, and there was constant chaos in my environment. The extended family was always yelling, cussing, fighting and drinking at any gathering or holiday. The kids were allowed to drink at an early age of about 8 or so, it was just normal. All of the craziness was normal life to me.

I think what felt familiar, is what I attracted, and also what felt right when I found it. The men I dated and the man I married did not treat me good. I knew they didn't but I thought it was normal man/woman behavior. I also felt very negative about myself inside and that I was getting what I deserved. I was desperate to be loved. I spent many years in bad relationships and being addicted to alcohol and drugs. I thought I liked life out of control.

During all of this time I was a productive person in society and well liked. I have always had a side of me that is very smart and spiritual, it just didn't get the chance to shine. I felt like I was mostly in survival mode. Once I started connecting with people who didn't live in chaos, and I decided that being an addict was not how I wanted to live, I could see that the choices I was making were creating my crappy life and bad relationships. But for the longest time I just played the victim and figured this is the hand that life had dealt me.

I am so grateful that I know now that I am in control of how I live and who I live my life with. I know that I deserve more than the 'bad boy' who is going to treat me bad. I know that my needs matter and that there are people out there who know how to have a good relationship. I am also learning to love myself and not be so desperate to be loved. One of the hardest lessons I learned that was love and sex are not synonymous. I was taught this concept wrong by being sexualized and I had to re-learn it the hard way.

With all of this being said, I really am glad I have the experiences I have. They give me so much knowledge to share with others and wonderful skills for parenting. I know exactly what I do NOT want for my kids because of what I went through. I also know that someday when the time is right I will attract a 'good guy' who is willing to have a give and take relationship. It is a an exciting thought really, to have a healthy relationship.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Why is self-care so difficult for me?

I thought this was the perfect topic since I have been sick for the past two days. I have been literally beating myself up because I feel very non-productive. I try to work despite feeling horrible and make myself feel even worse. I don't feel worthy of just laying on the couch. I don't really want to focus on why I do this (I know it stems from things ingrained in me from earlier in life)but what I do want to focus on is how to change it. If I don't change how I take care of myself, I will end up sick like I am today.

So, what does self care look like to me. It looks like working with balance. Taking time out of my day every few hours. Since I work from home, sometimes I find myself overworking. If I were at a job place I would take breaks every so often because it is mandatory. I need to implement this same behavior at home. I also need to be consistent in taking days off. As my own boss, I need to stick to a schedule and take at least 2 days off per week to avoid burnout and illness. I need to be honest with myself and when I am feeling an emotion, I need to address it. Not stuff it and ignore it so it can come out as anger, or illness.

As I sit here and type this, I am thinking to myself how simple these things sound. But time and time again, I ignore my body and then I have a breakdown in my system whether it be physical or mental. I do not want to continue to do this. I have received some great ideas from my life coach, and actually they have been assignments. She knows if she assigns me something, I will do it. I am driven, so she taps into that. What she is so clever about though, is what she assigns. For instance, she will tell me that each day of the week I have to do something fun. Even if it is for five minutes. This I also find difficult but rewarding when I adhere to it.

The simple act of pampering one's self is not what I was raised to believe is good. It has always been perceived as lazy. This has created a very hard working individual in me, but it also creates turmoil. I get sick. I either mentally freak out on someone, or I get physically ill. One way or another my body is going to let me know I need to slow down. So, I am going to make a bullet list at the end of this post and make it my top priority to stick to it!

Crystal's Self Care List:
* Take breaks during my work day, at least every 2 hours
* Take at least 2 days off each week
* Do 1 fun thing everyday, even if it is only for 5 minutes
* Do something indulgent at least once a month (pedicure, massage, etc)
* Acknowledge and deal with feelings that pop up, do not ignore them
* Keep telling myself I am not lazy and I deserve "Crystal" time

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

A bit about my Life Coach, Maia Berens

I love Maia.
I will speak of just today and what she did to help me. If I spoke of all of the occasions it would take a month!

We had a one-on-one coaching call scheduled and when she asked me how I was, that is all it took for her to hear in my voice that there was something wrong. She immediately focused on what I needed. She asked my what was wrong and I began to babble, literally, about sprint and how they are jacking me around, Cooper and how he didn't go to sleep until after midnight last night (mind you, he is 3 and I was wiped out), Alex and how she wants to be treated like an adult but still wants to act like the 18 year old she is, how I was emotional and pms-ing, how my to-do list was so long that I couldn't see the end of it, how I have family all around me and no one offers support, how being a single parent sucks, and on and on and on.........

After I went on for a while Maia, said her famous line that snaps me back into reality, "I get it, now what are we going to do about it". So then I began to list off all of the things I had already decided to put into motion, from my coaching call with Adrienne the night before, you see I have been having this meltdown for 2 days now! Anyway, overwhelmed was the predominant feeling today. The immediate problem was the yelling match I just had with Alex, and how shitty I was feeling because of it. I knew I had been grouchy and was taking it out on her, but I couldn't communicate with her.

This is where Maia really stepped in as a mentor, coach, and FRIEND. She offered to talk to the both of us at the same time. We put her (Maia) on speaker phone and even though Alex was a bit resistant at first she really heard Maia. Maia has this way of always being objective. To not take sides, which I am sure Alex assumed she would do. Maia gave Alex permission not to talk if she was not comfortable, since this was the first time they had interacted in this way. Maia asked us each to briefly explain the problem as we saw it, she listened, and then she gave feedback. She did not defend me or Alex. She just pointed out how each of us saw the situation and then asked each of us if our perceptions were correct. I admitted that what Alex was feeling was true. This was huge for my daughter to hear from me. Maia asked Alex to realize that she is being heard.

One of the most important things Maia did with the two of us today, was to keep it brief. We didn't go on an on about what we were mad about. We vented, we listened and then she gave us an assignment that we both agreed to do. This assignment will move us to the next level in our relationship. It addresses the change that is occurring in our relationship.

Alex just graduated from High School and our relationship is changing, to one sort like roommates I guess you would say. She wants to be treated like an adult and I want to give her that freedom but I still need to hold her accountable and be the parent as well. Maia suggested that we each:
1. make a list of our expectations of each other, and
2. write about how we ideally would like our relationship to be

Much to my surprise after the tears and the anger, Alex happily agreed to the assignment as well as checking back in on Friday to discuss what we wrote down on our lists. She was calm after the call, we were able to say "I love you" to each other and the overall feeling in the house was much, much better.

I am proud of Alex for being willing to do this call with Maia and I.
I am proud of myself for listening and admitting to my part of the whole situation.
I am mostly proud to have such an amazing woman in my life. Maia is a friend forever. She gives herself completely. I really needed her today and she was there for me and my family. She is the person who can help me be the parent I want to be, and all I have to do is ask. She is the person who empowers me to be a life coach and share my knowledge gained through my experiences to others in the same way she does. She is the person that makes me realize that we can make a difference in this world, one person at a time.

I Love her, I admire her, she allows me to be equal with her. She does not use her gifts as a power over me, she willingly shares them to help me excel in life. I have never know a person like this, who doesn't put a price on their friendship. Who doesn't resent me for needing her help or make me feel like I owe her something. She is genuine.
She IS the Fairy godmother she professes to be.

Monday, June 28, 2010

Crystal's Gift

My purpose is to be honest. To empower others by not holding back my intuition and knowledge from them. It may very well be the piece they need to the puzzle in their life. I could be that one bit of information that creates a spark in their mind and makes them pull down the wall that has been blocking their success.

Most of my earlier years where spent being told how I conduct myself was out of line. Too brutal, too honest. Actually I think many people labeled me as brutally honest. I may have been? What I have worked really hard on in my personal development is communicating in a way this is not damaging. I try not come into a conversation with anger and I avoid saying hurtful things. I have learned in going through the buildings of You University that I will not be heard if I talk to someone in a negative way. I mean I wouldn't listen either. Only my anger will be felt and any message I am trying to convey will fall on deaf ears as they say. How effective is that? NOT effective at all!

There are two specific tools that come to mind right now, that I have finally given into and used with great results. One the anger exercise, and two the love letter that I often talk about. I was really resistant at first to use these tools, I could not see how some writing exercise, or saying something to myself in the mirror could help in any way. I mean, how could something outside of me, help. WELL.....I can easily say that I was wrong. These tools did work for me and still do. I will admit to still having some resistance to using them, but not because I doubt that they work, but because I am so used to feeling anger that I almost want to stay in it. The great part is that with the help of my coach and coaching group, I can easily be reminded of the power of the exercises. And, to be perfectly honest I am not as comfortable feeling angry for long periods of time like I used to be. It used to be a way of living for me. Always looking at the negative or always having something negative to say. I seemed to attract those same personality types into my life as well. Makes sense, they do say misery loves company.

Now, I really enjoy being able to lift someone up if they are in a negative spot. I started this entry by talking about my purpose, and how it is being honest with people. This goes hand in hand with lifting them up. I don't have to be brutally honest, I can do it in a way that allows them to hear what I am saying in a positive light. I find that I have a clarity in what needs to be said. I am direct and don't beat around the bush. I break it down into the simplest way of explaining so there is no way for misinterpretation of my words. The person I am talking to knows exactly where I am coming from, they don't have to wonder or read between the lines. This can bring out the same quality in a person I am interacting with, and lead to an amazing conversation filled with revelations and understanding. The ability of a person to move forward from the point of the block then presents itself. It is a good quality in leading people. It is a good quality in teaching what I have experienced.

My purpose is just that. To pass on what I have learned in a way that is easy to understand and discuss. My purpose is to empower the person I am interacting with, so that the relationship can grow. This is what gives me great satisfaction. When I realized that my purpose gave me great satisfaction, I knew I was on the right path in life. I know that I am doing what I was designed to do. I am capitalizing on all of the experiences that have led me to this point in time. It is truly amazing!

Share This