Receiving Love and Gifts of Gratitude

On a human level love and gratitude is validating. It gives purpose to our existence. On a personal level it makes me feel proud of the person I am. I feel rewarded by the gratitude. It makes me smile and have an energy that is vibrant and contagious.

If gratitude is hard to receive, I try to look at why. It may be that I don't feel like I deserve the gratitude. This could be because I know I could have done better, or it could be because I am not used to hearing it. In my life I have not heard much gratitude. It is not something I experienced in my family. It was almost viewed as a sign of weakness to express your gratitude to someone.

I really don't think having a hard time receiving compliments or gifts or love has anything to do with not having gratitude yourself. I think it has more to do with not having the proper amount of self esteem and self value. I think it is learned early on by the adults around you and what they role model. This is a good thing because it can be re-learned once you realize that you are not able to receive it properly. I have had to relearn this and it has been just as powerful as learning to have a grateful attitude. They both go hand in hand.

My experience in being trained by Maia Berens through YOU University

My video description of the amazing experience of being trained as a life coach through YOU University.

My Life Coaching Career: What You University Represents to Me

My Life Coaching Career: What You University Represents to Me: "


Click the above link for a great video on this topic

Why is self-care so difficult for me?

I thought this was the perfect topic since I have been sick for the past two days. I have been literally beating myself up because I feel very non-productive. I try to work despite feeling horrible and make myself feel even worse. I don't feel worthy of just laying on the couch. I don't really want to focus on why I do this (I know it stems from things ingrained in me from earlier in life)but what I do want to focus on is how to change it. If I don't change how I take care of myself, I will end up sick like I am today.

So, what does self care look like to me. It looks like working with balance. Taking time out of my day every few hours. Since I work from home, sometimes I find myself overworking. If I were at a job place I would take breaks every so often because it is mandatory. I need to implement this same behavior at home. I also need to be consistent in taking days off. As my own boss, I need to stick to a schedule and take at least 2 days off per week to avoid burnout and illness. I need to be honest with myself and when I am feeling an emotion, I need to address it. Not stuff it and ignore it so it can come out as anger, or illness.

As I sit here and type this, I am thinking to myself how simple these things sound. But time and time again, I ignore my body and then I have a breakdown in my system whether it be physical or mental. I do not want to continue to do this. I have received some great ideas from my life coach, and actually they have been assignments. She knows if she assigns me something, I will do it. I am driven, so she taps into that. What she is so clever about though, is what she assigns. For instance, she will tell me that each day of the week I have to do something fun. Even if it is for five minutes. This I also find difficult but rewarding when I adhere to it.

The simple act of pampering one's self is not what I was raised to believe is good. It has always been perceived as lazy. This has created a very hard working individual in me, but it also creates turmoil. I get sick. I either mentally freak out on someone, or I get physically ill. One way or another my body is going to let me know I need to slow down. So, I am going to make a bullet list at the end of this post and make it my top priority to stick to it!

Crystal's Self Care List:
* Take breaks during my work day, at least every 2 hours
* Take at least 2 days off each week
* Do 1 fun thing everyday, even if it is only for 5 minutes
* Do something indulgent at least once a month (pedicure, massage, etc)
* Acknowledge and deal with feelings that pop up, do not ignore them
* Keep telling myself I am not lazy and I deserve "Crystal" time

A bit about my Life Coach, Maia Berens

I love Maia.
I will speak of just today and what she did to help me. If I spoke of all of the occasions it would take a month!

We had a one-on-one coaching call scheduled and when she asked me how I was, that is all it took for her to hear in my voice that there was something wrong. She immediately focused on what I needed. She asked my what was wrong and I began to babble, literally, about sprint and how they are jacking me around, Cooper and how he didn't go to sleep until after midnight last night (mind you, he is 3 and I was wiped out), Alex and how she wants to be treated like an adult but still wants to act like the 18 year old she is, how I was emotional and pms-ing, how my to-do list was so long that I couldn't see the end of it, how I have family all around me and no one offers support, how being a single parent sucks, and on and on and on.........

After I went on for a while Maia, said her famous line that snaps me back into reality, "I get it, now what are we going to do about it". So then I began to list off all of the things I had already decided to put into motion, from my coaching call with Adrienne the night before, you see I have been having this meltdown for 2 days now! Anyway, overwhelmed was the predominant feeling today. The immediate problem was the yelling match I just had with Alex, and how shitty I was feeling because of it. I knew I had been grouchy and was taking it out on her, but I couldn't communicate with her.

This is where Maia really stepped in as a mentor, coach, and FRIEND. She offered to talk to the both of us at the same time. We put her (Maia) on speaker phone and even though Alex was a bit resistant at first she really heard Maia. Maia has this way of always being objective. To not take sides, which I am sure Alex assumed she would do. Maia gave Alex permission not to talk if she was not comfortable, since this was the first time they had interacted in this way. Maia asked us each to briefly explain the problem as we saw it, she listened, and then she gave feedback. She did not defend me or Alex. She just pointed out how each of us saw the situation and then asked each of us if our perceptions were correct. I admitted that what Alex was feeling was true. This was huge for my daughter to hear from me. Maia asked Alex to realize that she is being heard.

One of the most important things Maia did with the two of us today, was to keep it brief. We didn't go on an on about what we were mad about. We vented, we listened and then she gave us an assignment that we both agreed to do. This assignment will move us to the next level in our relationship. It addresses the change that is occurring in our relationship.

Alex just graduated from High School and our relationship is changing, to one sort like roommates I guess you would say. She wants to be treated like an adult and I want to give her that freedom but I still need to hold her accountable and be the parent as well. Maia suggested that we each:
1. make a list of our expectations of each other, and
2. write about how we ideally would like our relationship to be

Much to my surprise after the tears and the anger, Alex happily agreed to the assignment as well as checking back in on Friday to discuss what we wrote down on our lists. She was calm after the call, we were able to say "I love you" to each other and the overall feeling in the house was much, much better.

I am proud of Alex for being willing to do this call with Maia and I.
I am proud of myself for listening and admitting to my part of the whole situation.
I am mostly proud to have such an amazing woman in my life. Maia is a friend forever. She gives herself completely. I really needed her today and she was there for me and my family. She is the person who can help me be the parent I want to be, and all I have to do is ask. She is the person who empowers me to be a life coach and share my knowledge gained through my experiences to others in the same way she does. She is the person that makes me realize that we can make a difference in this world, one person at a time.

I Love her, I admire her, she allows me to be equal with her. She does not use her gifts as a power over me, she willingly shares them to help me excel in life. I have never know a person like this, who doesn't put a price on their friendship. Who doesn't resent me for needing her help or make me feel like I owe her something. She is genuine.
She IS the Fairy godmother she professes to be.