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Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Monday, June 28, 2010
Crystal's Gift
My purpose is to be honest. To empower others by not holding back my intuition and knowledge from them. It may very well be the piece they need to the puzzle in their life. I could be that one bit of information that creates a spark in their mind and makes them pull down the wall that has been blocking their success.
Most of my earlier years where spent being told how I conduct myself was out of line. Too brutal, too honest. Actually I think many people labeled me as brutally honest. I may have been? What I have worked really hard on in my personal development is communicating in a way this is not damaging. I try not come into a conversation with anger and I avoid saying hurtful things. I have learned in going through the buildings of You University that I will not be heard if I talk to someone in a negative way. I mean I wouldn't listen either. Only my anger will be felt and any message I am trying to convey will fall on deaf ears as they say. How effective is that? NOT effective at all!
There are two specific tools that come to mind right now, that I have finally given into and used with great results. One the anger exercise, and two the love letter that I often talk about. I was really resistant at first to use these tools, I could not see how some writing exercise, or saying something to myself in the mirror could help in any way. I mean, how could something outside of me, help. WELL.....I can easily say that I was wrong. These tools did work for me and still do. I will admit to still having some resistance to using them, but not because I doubt that they work, but because I am so used to feeling anger that I almost want to stay in it. The great part is that with the help of my coach and coaching group, I can easily be reminded of the power of the exercises. And, to be perfectly honest I am not as comfortable feeling angry for long periods of time like I used to be. It used to be a way of living for me. Always looking at the negative or always having something negative to say. I seemed to attract those same personality types into my life as well. Makes sense, they do say misery loves company.
Now, I really enjoy being able to lift someone up if they are in a negative spot. I started this entry by talking about my purpose, and how it is being honest with people. This goes hand in hand with lifting them up. I don't have to be brutally honest, I can do it in a way that allows them to hear what I am saying in a positive light. I find that I have a clarity in what needs to be said. I am direct and don't beat around the bush. I break it down into the simplest way of explaining so there is no way for misinterpretation of my words. The person I am talking to knows exactly where I am coming from, they don't have to wonder or read between the lines. This can bring out the same quality in a person I am interacting with, and lead to an amazing conversation filled with revelations and understanding. The ability of a person to move forward from the point of the block then presents itself. It is a good quality in leading people. It is a good quality in teaching what I have experienced.
My purpose is just that. To pass on what I have learned in a way that is easy to understand and discuss. My purpose is to empower the person I am interacting with, so that the relationship can grow. This is what gives me great satisfaction. When I realized that my purpose gave me great satisfaction, I knew I was on the right path in life. I know that I am doing what I was designed to do. I am capitalizing on all of the experiences that have led me to this point in time. It is truly amazing!
Most of my earlier years where spent being told how I conduct myself was out of line. Too brutal, too honest. Actually I think many people labeled me as brutally honest. I may have been? What I have worked really hard on in my personal development is communicating in a way this is not damaging. I try not come into a conversation with anger and I avoid saying hurtful things. I have learned in going through the buildings of You University that I will not be heard if I talk to someone in a negative way. I mean I wouldn't listen either. Only my anger will be felt and any message I am trying to convey will fall on deaf ears as they say. How effective is that? NOT effective at all!
There are two specific tools that come to mind right now, that I have finally given into and used with great results. One the anger exercise, and two the love letter that I often talk about. I was really resistant at first to use these tools, I could not see how some writing exercise, or saying something to myself in the mirror could help in any way. I mean, how could something outside of me, help. WELL.....I can easily say that I was wrong. These tools did work for me and still do. I will admit to still having some resistance to using them, but not because I doubt that they work, but because I am so used to feeling anger that I almost want to stay in it. The great part is that with the help of my coach and coaching group, I can easily be reminded of the power of the exercises. And, to be perfectly honest I am not as comfortable feeling angry for long periods of time like I used to be. It used to be a way of living for me. Always looking at the negative or always having something negative to say. I seemed to attract those same personality types into my life as well. Makes sense, they do say misery loves company.
Now, I really enjoy being able to lift someone up if they are in a negative spot. I started this entry by talking about my purpose, and how it is being honest with people. This goes hand in hand with lifting them up. I don't have to be brutally honest, I can do it in a way that allows them to hear what I am saying in a positive light. I find that I have a clarity in what needs to be said. I am direct and don't beat around the bush. I break it down into the simplest way of explaining so there is no way for misinterpretation of my words. The person I am talking to knows exactly where I am coming from, they don't have to wonder or read between the lines. This can bring out the same quality in a person I am interacting with, and lead to an amazing conversation filled with revelations and understanding. The ability of a person to move forward from the point of the block then presents itself. It is a good quality in leading people. It is a good quality in teaching what I have experienced.
My purpose is just that. To pass on what I have learned in a way that is easy to understand and discuss. My purpose is to empower the person I am interacting with, so that the relationship can grow. This is what gives me great satisfaction. When I realized that my purpose gave me great satisfaction, I knew I was on the right path in life. I know that I am doing what I was designed to do. I am capitalizing on all of the experiences that have led me to this point in time. It is truly amazing!
Friday, June 18, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
Wonder Woman
Hello Wonder Woman,
Your name tells me a lot about you. I too am a Wonder Woman. It is a tough job, and the best advice I have received lately (just last week) was to take my cape off and take some pressure off myself to do it all (thank you Maia). I am only telling you this because I see similarities between us. I too am very focused on being a good parent and not damaging my kids, so much that I also feel guilty for making mistakes that may have a lasting effect on my kids in their own lives. The truth of the matter is that we as parents will make mistakes. My parents did, I have, and you probably have. That is how we learn, that is also how kids learn. I really love what Maia said about talking with your son. Really no matter what age he is, you can always talk to him on his level and explain that Mom, Mommy or Mother is not perfect. She is human, and humans make mistakes. I try to do this whenever I screw up with my own kids and they are 18, 11 and 3. Of course how I tell them varies with the age, but I still let them see that I can admit when I have done something wrong. I think it helps them to see that if they make mistakes they can do the same thing. I try to tell them what I plan to do so that I don't repeat the mistake and invite them to help me in implementing the change. Maia taught me this. Her specific example was in reference to me wanting to stop yelling when I get mad. She told me to tell the kids that they could ask me to take a time out when I start to loose it. It has actually become quite humorous. When I start to rant or become unreasonable they (and their friends) will say, "I think Mom needs a timeout." I usually end up laughing at hearing them tell me that I need to chill and that diffuses the situation.
My favorite word to explain how I like to parent is 'collaboratively'. It is actually my new favorite word. But it seems to take the pressure off me if I involve them in the parenting process. They get to feel like they have some say in the relationship and I get to feel like I am not in it alone. Of course, I am the parent, I do have the final say, but I am willing to listen (most of the time) to their view of the situation. That is how I do it. It works for me, again, most of the time. But as I said before I am not perfect and sometimes there are just those days when chaos happens. It happens in the real world and I am parenting real kids in the real world.
~Crystal
Your name tells me a lot about you. I too am a Wonder Woman. It is a tough job, and the best advice I have received lately (just last week) was to take my cape off and take some pressure off myself to do it all (thank you Maia). I am only telling you this because I see similarities between us. I too am very focused on being a good parent and not damaging my kids, so much that I also feel guilty for making mistakes that may have a lasting effect on my kids in their own lives. The truth of the matter is that we as parents will make mistakes. My parents did, I have, and you probably have. That is how we learn, that is also how kids learn. I really love what Maia said about talking with your son. Really no matter what age he is, you can always talk to him on his level and explain that Mom, Mommy or Mother is not perfect. She is human, and humans make mistakes. I try to do this whenever I screw up with my own kids and they are 18, 11 and 3. Of course how I tell them varies with the age, but I still let them see that I can admit when I have done something wrong. I think it helps them to see that if they make mistakes they can do the same thing. I try to tell them what I plan to do so that I don't repeat the mistake and invite them to help me in implementing the change. Maia taught me this. Her specific example was in reference to me wanting to stop yelling when I get mad. She told me to tell the kids that they could ask me to take a time out when I start to loose it. It has actually become quite humorous. When I start to rant or become unreasonable they (and their friends) will say, "I think Mom needs a timeout." I usually end up laughing at hearing them tell me that I need to chill and that diffuses the situation.
My favorite word to explain how I like to parent is 'collaboratively'. It is actually my new favorite word. But it seems to take the pressure off me if I involve them in the parenting process. They get to feel like they have some say in the relationship and I get to feel like I am not in it alone. Of course, I am the parent, I do have the final say, but I am willing to listen (most of the time) to their view of the situation. That is how I do it. It works for me, again, most of the time. But as I said before I am not perfect and sometimes there are just those days when chaos happens. It happens in the real world and I am parenting real kids in the real world.
~Crystal
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Step into your life...continued
I woke up still thinking about my blog yesterday and needed to write more about it.
The last part of step into your life talks about "What change do you want to see most occur in the world and how can you facilitate it?" In my view in order to see a change in the world it has more...
The last part of step into your life talks about "What change do you want to see most occur in the world and how can you facilitate it?" In my view in order to see a change in the world it has to start with each and every individual, the first one being myself. That is what is so exciting about the prospect of change. I am dedicated to personal growth and as long as I worry about myself and set an example for others to learn by I am doing my part in the whole shift that we truly need in our world today.
After writing yesterday about others not accepting my straight forward attitude, I received an eye opening quote from a colleague in AZ. Here it is:
"No one can make you feel
inferior without your consent."
Eleanor Roosevelt (1884-1962)
American first lady,
humanitarian, and UN diplomat
This is a big huge reminder that I am definitely in control of my own life. My goals, my dreams, my successes, my failures, and my emotions. So if I have any reaction to how others react to me, I chose it. I can chose to let people make me feel inferior as the quotes says, or I can let it roll off my back and embrace who I am and the positive sides to my personality.
Of course I know that I am in charge of how I react, but forget. I get caught up in the emotional reaction and playing the victim. I think that is why I love this community of people who are dedicated to spiritual growth, it helps me remember all of the important concepts that I need to apply to my life to contribute to the shift within me. This then creates the ripple effect that I find myself talking about a lot. That is what I want my life to be about. Personal development that creates a new vibe on our beautiful planet. A feeling of peace and love that everyone is familiar with and willing to strive for.
The last part of step into your life talks about "What change do you want to see most occur in the world and how can you facilitate it?" In my view in order to see a change in the world it has more...
The last part of step into your life talks about "What change do you want to see most occur in the world and how can you facilitate it?" In my view in order to see a change in the world it has to start with each and every individual, the first one being myself. That is what is so exciting about the prospect of change. I am dedicated to personal growth and as long as I worry about myself and set an example for others to learn by I am doing my part in the whole shift that we truly need in our world today.
After writing yesterday about others not accepting my straight forward attitude, I received an eye opening quote from a colleague in AZ. Here it is:
"No one can make you feel
inferior without your consent."
Eleanor Roosevelt (1884-1962)
American first lady,
humanitarian, and UN diplomat
This is a big huge reminder that I am definitely in control of my own life. My goals, my dreams, my successes, my failures, and my emotions. So if I have any reaction to how others react to me, I chose it. I can chose to let people make me feel inferior as the quotes says, or I can let it roll off my back and embrace who I am and the positive sides to my personality.
Of course I know that I am in charge of how I react, but forget. I get caught up in the emotional reaction and playing the victim. I think that is why I love this community of people who are dedicated to spiritual growth, it helps me remember all of the important concepts that I need to apply to my life to contribute to the shift within me. This then creates the ripple effect that I find myself talking about a lot. That is what I want my life to be about. Personal development that creates a new vibe on our beautiful planet. A feeling of peace and love that everyone is familiar with and willing to strive for.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Step into your life...
I am direct, I am starting to learn that this is a gift. Most of my life I have been criticized for this quality. Since I have been collaborating with my coaching group and this community I am finding out that this directness, if done in a kind way, is a good trait. People don't have to read between the lines with me because I am straight forward. It is easy to know where I am coming from and how I feel. The community of people who are focused on growth and spirituality seem to embrace this personality type much easier than those less open to change.
It feels like some are threatened by my direct nature. The truth without all of the pretty flowery language is scary. I am really glad to have had this brought to my attention. For so many years I felt like I was to overbearing, that what I had to say was not worthy. I was afraid I was going to be criticized or told to keep my comments to myself. This carried over into giving people constructive criticism. I feared that people would think I thought I was better than them, or what they had to say was no good. I would be very unsure in my response when asked to give feedback. I didn't want anyone to get mad at me.
I need to give credit where credit is due and tell my coach Maia Berens thank you for being patient with me on this issue. Just today she told me she understood now why I would be so unsure when giving her feedback or editing suggestions. I love that she took the time to figure the dynamics of my personality enough to be able to come to this conclusion and share it with me. That is a true professional and a wonderful friend. I have not had many of these types of people in my life. It is refreshing. It also allowing me to see my worth and value and know that what I have to say is good stuff.
Thank you Maia.
You are empowering me to become who I really am!
Side note:
Maia Berens is also the founder of You University. This is a comprehensive program that will be available to the public soon! I am currently enrolled and I am experiencing incredible personal growth and development. I am also a coach featured to facilitate others through the program. It is incredible~can't wait for the launch!
It feels like some are threatened by my direct nature. The truth without all of the pretty flowery language is scary. I am really glad to have had this brought to my attention. For so many years I felt like I was to overbearing, that what I had to say was not worthy. I was afraid I was going to be criticized or told to keep my comments to myself. This carried over into giving people constructive criticism. I feared that people would think I thought I was better than them, or what they had to say was no good. I would be very unsure in my response when asked to give feedback. I didn't want anyone to get mad at me.
I need to give credit where credit is due and tell my coach Maia Berens thank you for being patient with me on this issue. Just today she told me she understood now why I would be so unsure when giving her feedback or editing suggestions. I love that she took the time to figure the dynamics of my personality enough to be able to come to this conclusion and share it with me. That is a true professional and a wonderful friend. I have not had many of these types of people in my life. It is refreshing. It also allowing me to see my worth and value and know that what I have to say is good stuff.
Thank you Maia.
You are empowering me to become who I really am!
Side note:
Maia Berens is also the founder of You University. This is a comprehensive program that will be available to the public soon! I am currently enrolled and I am experiencing incredible personal growth and development. I am also a coach featured to facilitate others through the program. It is incredible~can't wait for the launch!
Thursday, June 3, 2010
My Purpose
In defining my purpose, I would have to say it would be to share my personal life experiences with others to help them in their personal growth.
I am executing that by being a life coach! I am impacting the world one person at a time. I am living what I teach. I am teaching my children what I know. I am creating the ripple that will turn into a wave of peace throughout our planet.
I am fascinated with understanding our paths and the reason for our journey on earth. I believe each experience we have has it purpose. I love to reflect and learn.
This is what my life to be about. The journey and how to make the best of it. How to show others what I am discovering.
I am executing that by being a life coach! I am impacting the world one person at a time. I am living what I teach. I am teaching my children what I know. I am creating the ripple that will turn into a wave of peace throughout our planet.
I am fascinated with understanding our paths and the reason for our journey on earth. I believe each experience we have has it purpose. I love to reflect and learn.
This is what my life to be about. The journey and how to make the best of it. How to show others what I am discovering.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Boundaries......Part 2
I uncovered another negative consequence of not setting boundaries today. I realized that if I don't set boundaries for myself in my work, then I end of exhausted. I also can tend to see any and all needs from others as demands that really piss me off. This all stems from not being able to set the boundary and also recognize when I have crossed my own boundary and pushed myself too hard. I get tired, bitchy and see normal to-do's as huge inconveniences. It is a crazy cycle that I get myself all hyped up in. This was a great topic of discussion in our group coaching call today. It was led by Heather and she picked the theme for today's discussion. It was perfect. It was exactly what I needed to look at from a different perspective that related directly to how hard I push myself. I don't respect my own boundaries enough to stop when it is time. I just keep pushing harder and harder. This drive can be a good quality, I get a lot accomplished and I don't have to be hounded to get something done. BUT, it can be negative as well. This last week it was negative. I didn't listen to my body and mind telling me to give it a rest. I waited until I had a headache and I felt sick before I stopped. I got really crabby and negative in situations that I would normally meet with no problem. This of course causes a ripple effect for the people around me. My business colleagues, my friend, and my family all feel like they are under attack and probably feel guilty if they ask me to do anything. I am glad to have been able to recognize this and get some positive feedback from the coaching group. They gave me the tip to try and recognize the meltdown before it happens and allow myself to take a break. They also made it clear that if I ever feel overwhelmed by anything we are doing, that I need to speak up and say so. Essentially I need to state my needs. Listen to my own body and honor it. I came to the conclusion that this is an area that I do need to work on. It is something I really thought I didn't have a problem with. But clearly I do. I am excited to implement this new way of treating myself. I look forward to understanding the balance I need to be as productive as possible without damaging myself and the people around me that I love.
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