Day 207: Crystal Church

Day 207: Crystal Church
The "Get Inspired" Interview

“ … what comes right to my mind is to never give up, and I guess that life is always evolving and that it’s not like start and finish.  It’s start, climb one hill, kind of smooth out for a little while, and then life will present another challenge that instead of letting it knock you down and make you curl up in a ball and not function, you just say ‘Okay, well, here it is, what are my resources, what do I need to do to get through this?’”

I have been reminded of who I am

My life has changed so much in the past year that it is truly unbelievable.  I don't want to sound like someone who is trying to promote anything, but seriously, since I have began a life coaching relationship with Maia and went through her personal development program (YOU University) my whole everything has changed.

The most noticeable to me is the way I feel inside. I am 42 years old and for the first time in my life I don't have internal turmoil going on inside of me. I don't feel anxious, worried, or stressed out for no apparent reason. I had physical responses of stress several times a day for reasons that I could not figure out. Goose bumps, clenched jaw, holding my breath and many other things would happen at any given time and I thought it was normal. I had been experiencing this for so long, I thought it was just me. I figured I was just a broken person.

I have been able to go back into my early childhood years and identify situations that created this stress (which over the years rolled into post traumatic stress syndrome) and work through these issues. I have been to counselors, therapists, and talked with many people throughout my life, but nothing came close to getting to the root of the problem AND dealing with it like YOU University and Maia have.

Beyond dealing with it, I have learned to more or less re-program how I think and feel. And actually I would have to say it was more like re-setting myself back to the point in my life where I didn't have all of the stresses. The pure and untainted soul of my little girl. I have always been inside of me, I just built up all of these barriers and defenses to keep everyone (including me) away from me.

Now I am at peace with me. I can trust myself and my intuitions. I can love myself and see that I am very capable and smart. I have great conversations with people because I am able to express myself in a manner that is not offensive.  I have also began creating a new circle of people who nurture me, support me and that don't judge me for my mistakes. This has all happened for me because I changed my perspective of myself.  I  love me.  As Maia so perfectly states, "I have been reminded of who I am."

Receiving Love and Gifts of Gratitude

On a human level love and gratitude is validating. It gives purpose to our existence. On a personal level it makes me feel proud of the person I am. I feel rewarded by the gratitude. It makes me smile and have an energy that is vibrant and contagious.

If gratitude is hard to receive, I try to look at why. It may be that I don't feel like I deserve the gratitude. This could be because I know I could have done better, or it could be because I am not used to hearing it. In my life I have not heard much gratitude. It is not something I experienced in my family. It was almost viewed as a sign of weakness to express your gratitude to someone.

I really don't think having a hard time receiving compliments or gifts or love has anything to do with not having gratitude yourself. I think it has more to do with not having the proper amount of self esteem and self value. I think it is learned early on by the adults around you and what they role model. This is a good thing because it can be re-learned once you realize that you are not able to receive it properly. I have had to relearn this and it has been just as powerful as learning to have a grateful attitude. They both go hand in hand.

The Attitude of Gratitude

My attitude of gratitude controls how happy I am in my life. Life still goes on and stuff is always happening, but my perception of the stuff that happens it so much brighter when I am able to find the gift. I have lived my life with no gratitude and it got me no where but depressed, broke and very addicted. My search for the perfect high was really my way of trying to create a sense of gratitude. But, I have since learned that no substance can give me this. It is only through my own choice of outlook that I can feel grateful. I give this to myself. No one else does. No substance does. This is actually a great thing. It costs nothing but my time and energy. I do not have to count on anyone to give it to me. And, it is available all of the time!

When I encounter that ungrateful person, I have no desire to be around them. I may try to get them to see how their attitude affects their life, but if I am met with resistance, I just try to remove myself from their presence as soon as possible. When this is not an option, like with my kids, I try to role model for them what great power gratitude has in it. If they are insisting on staying stuck in negativity, I listen, and then I ask them to try and state one positive thing about what ever is going on. They usually can. It is like changing a bad habit, I keep reinforcing the idea and eventually they will make the change. Hopefully they don't leave the nest and forget everything I taught them! But since the kids' Dads are perfect examples of ungrateful people and what you get from a negative attitude, I think they can see the contrast and will make the choice to be grateful.

Being ungrateful seems like such a waste of time and energy. It also affects the vibe around the ungrateful person. I want to see a positive change globally and when people don't buy into this it bothers me. It is defeating my purpose. On a personal level when my family is not grateful for the things I do, I am hurt. I feel like I am not valued. I am learning however that if family continues to be ungrateful, then I have to be the one to stop giving. Otherwise I am just setting myself up for disappointment. With my children, I don't stop giving. They are my students and I am to teach them. So, I explain to them the best I can how they are making me feel and that a consequence could be me ceasing to do the nice things I do. I explain that is not what I want to do, what I want is them to be grateful and to show that with their action or words.

This topic is going to need more than one entry, so I will leave it here for now.

being present in the moment at the river

My experience in being trained by Maia Berens through YOU University

My video description of the amazing experience of being trained as a life coach through YOU University.

My Life Coaching Career: What You University Represents to Me

My Life Coaching Career: What You University Represents to Me: "


Click the above link for a great video on this topic

Blog hop Tuesday

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'Trading up" a post by YOU University Coach, Crystal Church

Trading up is the topic this week in my online journal community, and it came just in time to help me apply it to something that just happened.

So, I am a new Life Coach and I recently changed the message on my answering machine to include this information. Well, I live in the same town as my Father, and he called while I was on the other line. The machine came on and he heard the message. When I called him back, he proceeded to make fun of me. Yeah, I know. How mature is that. Not to mention rude, and on and on and on. So, I did my ranting. Talked to my life coach about it. Did an anger exercise, twice, and went to work out.

Where does the trading up come in. Well, I would have in the past let his ignorance really get me down. It would have taken me a week to stop replaying his comments in my head. However, I “trade up” and decided to not allow this situation to dominate my day or my mind. I got over it fast. As a matter of fact, when I returned from my workout at the pool, I had forgotten the whole thing!

It feels great not to give him the power anymore. I am in control of what affects me. I also decided next time he makes this type of comment I am going to let him know that I don’t want to hear it. That if he can’t say nice, empowering things to me then I don’t want to hear from him. That should go over real well. But again, I am doing it for my own empowerment. I do not care about what it does to him. I am not here on this earth for him to destroy anymore!

And by the way, I know why he does what he does. And I don’t care anymore. I am not making excuses for his behavior anymore. I have been his punching bag for long enough. What really feels great is that in writing about this, I have no anger or sadness.

 'Trading up" a post by YOU University Coach, Crystal Church

Making Strides

I am currently reading "Healing the Shame that binds you" by John Bradshaw. It is an assigned reading for me by my life coach Maia Berens. I have been experiencing some familiar old feelings as I read through the material and it talks about the negative side of shame caused by various childhood abuses.

I have talked openly in this blog about being a survivor of incest and some of the other experiences I had growing up in an alcoholic family. I have also done some serious soul work to heal the effects of my past. I was however taken a bit by surprise as I mentioned in the beginning of this post, to have these intense feelings come rushing back prompted by reading the book. I first began to notice the anger. Thoughts like, why didn't you protect me? What were you thinking? How could you do those awful things to your own child? My anger actually creeped into our group coaching call and when it was my turn to talk I tried to express it. I don't feel like I was too successful in relaying my feelings to the group, but they seemed to get that I was in distress. Maia, who identifies with the situation understood and agreed to talk with me about in more detail the following day. Both of the other group members touched base with me to also offer their support. This was an amazing feeling. And actually now that I think about it, this show of support and unity is a big part of how I was able to move away from the feeling of "being out of control" much quicker that in the past.

In earlier years of dealing with memories or flashbacks of abuse I would shut down for several days. More specifically I would become withdrawn and non-communicative with the people in my life. I would feel tired and want to sleep more and basically get really depressed. Not this time! I had great conversations with my fellow coaches and with their help was able to see the growth that I have accomplished and the wonderful things I have done in light of my abusive upbringing. I was able to see the reaction for what it was, just that, a reaction. Not the abuse happening again.

The amount of time spent in a "funk" was less than 24 hours. I did not shut myself off, actually the contrary. I was open to talking about my feelings and navigating my way through them. AND the big thing for me was that I had the tools to work through the issue. I have learned so much lately from being in a coaching group, having an incredible life coach, keeping an open minded and doing my work in YOU University. I am proud of myself. I feel great. I am continuing to read the book without fear of what it might trigger because I know that I can handle it and it will be a learning experience for me.

When I step back and take a look at the big picture, I can really appreciate this latest experience. It can be used as another teaching tool for my clients. I can relate to people who have gone through this same trauma (with my first hand experience) AND show them the tools that are available to help them deal with it. More specifically I can facilitate their journey through YOU University in a unique and personal way.

Just one more validating experience in the journey as a YOU University life coach!