Connecting With Crystal

Coming Home………………It’s Not Just Crossing Over. It Can Be a Re-birth

2010-11-20T21:48:00.000-08:00

A post prompted by reading Oprah’s interview with John of God, a mystical healer in Brazil

Oprah is a very influential woman and her latest story about John of God, really caught my attention. I don’t have cable TV so I read the interview online. Oprah had on her show a medical doctor named Dr. Rediger. He met and experienced being in the presence of John of God. Dr. Rediger was quoted as saying, “Whatever is happening at the Casa with John of God, I believe it’s not about the phenomena or even about the healer—it’s about a shift that happens to these people internally, spiritually or psychologically". Reading what he said prompted me to see an important connection to my own life and prompted me to write about that.
I began thinking about my most recent step in my journey of personal development. I have been going off an anti-depressant that I have been on for a while and it has really effected me. I have felt ill, emotional and if I used one word to describe the final result of stopping the medication, it would have to be clarity.
A bit of background into why clarity is such an important feeling for me: I am a recovering addict and I have been sober for 4 years. I have spent most of my life looking to cloud how I feel – searching for the perfect numbing substance to take me to the ‘land of bliss’. I am sober. I want to be free of chemicals. My intuition was prompting me that now is the time to go off the chemical that helped me for many years. I decided to trust that intuition.
Here’s how I see the link between what John of God is doing with his extraordinary healing gift and what I am doing in healing my own life. We are both ordinary people who are healing with love and faith.
We are both showing ourselves and the world that our bodies are just merely the vehicle for which we live on earth. The vehicle is subject to breakdowns and the real power of healing doesn’t lie outside of us, but it lies within our souls. As we learn how to tap into this power of our souls……as John of God has and is exhibiting by healing others with his miraculous intuitive mind, we can harness amazing healing power for ourselves and others.

I tapped into my own power to overcome an addictive lifestyle. I went inside myself to find what I needed to heal. The addict was created out of my need for not feeling the horror of my life. I don’t live that life anymore. I have healed and forgiven and will continue to do so for the rest of my life. I have no more need for my old friends drugs and alcohol. My freedom from pain, healing, no longer lies in a substance or a drug. It lies in my ability to learn and trust that I have the answers I need inside of me. My own intuition and instincts and power of my thoughts have healed me from addiction.
So, going back clarity… for the first time, perhaps in my life, I am clear. I am clear on why I did what I did. I am clear about why I am feeling emotions that have been muted and diluted for years. I am not afraid of them because I have learned that you can truly heal what you feel, but only if you feel it.
What caused the shift and the clarity? A conscious choice to feel. A choice that was made when I listened to what my intuition was trying to tell me and a desire to love and understand myself instead of belittling and tearing myself down. A desire to stop resisting.
I know now that I was not born into this world a bad person who wanted to be addicted to drugs and alcohol and make bad choices.
When I met my life coach and mentor, Maia Berens she me that we create EVERYTHING that happens in our lives. I decided to try that philosophy on. My intuition screamed that what told me what she was true.
So I began to take responsibility for everything that happened to me since I arrived here on earth. Once I changed my perspective on my life and agreed that I created it, I was able to stop playing the victim. I was able to see that how I viewed my circumstances was affecting the quality of my life. My situation, my experiences of the past did not change, but how I viewed them did. I could see that I could chose a better life by taking responsibility for creating it. Essentially I could choose to create a happy life.
Today, near the end of an uncomfortable detox, and in the midst of a sober life I realized….I am here, I am home. Amazingly enough coming home didn’t mean death for me. It was quite the opposite. It was a rebirth.
I, like John of God, am normal person, who has tapped into my own spiritual power and used it to heal. I have used it to heal myself. I, like him, feel my work, my change, my shift, has been a divine intervention of some sort – not something I studied in college to learn, but something that was given to me and has actually been inside of me since my birth.
I can see that information that I needed to hear and now and the placement of the proper people to enter my life when and where I needed it, have been a part of this process as well. A big master plan of sorts so that I could see that the power and potential of our spiritual self is unlimited.
And, the timing of this information and the people who have helped to deliver it is important as well. I had to go through all of the suffering and addiction in order to be brought to a place where I was willing to listen. Now, I plan to carry this message through my work as an emotion-based personal development life coach.
Because of my healing and taking responsibility process, I now know my gifts. Now my job is to relay my story to others so they can also see their gifts. I am participating in the ripple effect in the universe we need to change mankind.
In ending I quote Dr. Rediger again. He reported that meeting John of God was life-changing. "Perhaps the real heart within us is not just a pump, he says. “Perhaps the real heart within us is about love and faith. Perhaps the physical body is not who we really are. Perhaps we are these invisible souls walking around, and the body is just an instrument or metaphor for something we are trying to learn.”
We are really on the verge of harnessing our spiritual selves and reaping the benefits as a race. And so it is.

The Attitude of Gratitude will put you on TOP!

2010-11-07T20:42:00.000-08:00

I was feeling grateful for my career tonight and thought I would blog about it. Just prior to writing I happened to go see what the top trending searches for google were this weekend and this is what I read.........

"Rookie Jacoby Ford hauled in six passes for 148 yards to lead the Raiders to a 23-20 overtime victory over the Chiefs in Week 9. It doesn't get much better as far as breakout games go."

I said to myself, wow, this guys a rookie and he is the big news in this weekends football stories. Very cool. but even more so how does this relate to me and my life coaching career. Well, I thought it seemed obvious, but let me go into detail anyway. I am the ROOKIE in life coaching and I feel like the way our business is going and the way we are attracting clients doesn't really get much better as far as breakouts go!

I am loving creating YOU University's allaboutlifecoaching.com with the founder and creator Maia Berens. It is the biggest natural high I have ever encountered since high school sports. I dream about it awake and asleep, it feels so right. All of the pieces just keep falling into place perfectly and everything happens just when it should. I heard a word today in the free online community where I journal ( http://allaboutlifecoaching.com/community-cost-gain) that comes to mind, and it is serendipity. Which by definition means, good luck in making unexpected and fortunate discoveries. That is the experience I am having!

I am sure that football player and I have that same 'on top of the world' feeling because we are both doing what we love and are ON our game! With the right attitude and a mindset of gratitude we can stay in the top ranks and get our individual messages out the the world. My message is that you can create the life you want. All of your misfortunes are really gifts when looked at from the right perspective. Once we step out of being a victim and see our life as the amazing journey it really is .......we can be grateful.

Coaching buddy and visualization-Video 3 of 3

2010-10-25T15:45:00.000-07:00

Honing your skills~Friend in deed- Video 2 of 3........I had an overwhelming response for the next video in the series.........so here it is! Enjoy

2010-10-21T15:08:00.000-07:00

5 tips in preparing for success-Video 1 of 3

2010-10-20T20:10:00.000-07:00

BBB Business Review of You University's All About Life Coaching - Life Coach - Santa Monica, CA

2010-10-16T17:32:00.000-07:00

This company allaboutlifecoaching.com has been accredited since 10/01/2010 and we are satisfied that it honors its commitment. The company has agreed to uphold our accreditation standards, which include a commitment to act in accordance with ethical business practices and to respond to customer complaints.

Here are a couple of reviews...........

Elaine S

I've been working with Maia Berens and You University on a regular basis for over a year. You University is a valuable and highly professional provider of life coaching and related services. Ms. Berens has been reliable and helpful as promised in all of my dealings with her. Her advice is sound and never judgmental. Ms. Berens has been thoughtful in suggesting what I might do to improve a difficult situation, and extremely creative in sharing stories from her own experience to illustrate techniques for managing emotions. I would recommend You University to anyone who desires to be and do better in any aspect of their life - life is about the process, and Maia Berens has knowledge to share.

Posted on 10/14/2010

Maria S.

Maia Beren's coaching program literally changed my life, excelerated my growth and moved me towards a potential in myself that I didn't believe existed until she taught me how to see my true being and how to act authentically in any situation. I am so Thankful that she shared her knowledge and teaching with me as coach and mentor. What you can learn by participating in her program is invaluable. I would highly recommend it to anyone who is looking to make permanent changes that stick!

Posted on 10/14/2010

I am so proud to be a part of this company which is now accredited by the Better Business Bureau. You do not ask to be accredited by them, it doesn't work that way. They chose you!

Wow, we are now amongst the CHOSEN ONES!

BBB Business Review of You University's All About Life Coaching - Life Coach - Santa Monica, CA

Grief

2010-10-10T21:32:00.000-07:00

This post is a tribute to my Sadie

Grief is an emotion that is not only for the loss of a human life. It can about the loss of a relationship, a childhood, or in this case ..........my dog Sadie.

Grief is an emotion defined as:
1. Pain of mind on account of something in the past; mental suffering arising from any cause, as misfortune, loss of friends, misconduct of one's self or others, etc.; sorrow; sadness. [1913 Webster]

Grief has stages that are individual to each human and are not experienced in any specific order, but they are as follows:

1. SHOCK & DENIAL
2. PAIN & GUILT
3. ANGER & BARGAINING
4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS
5. THE UPWARD TURN
6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH
7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE
as taken from aboutgrief.com

I learned these past few days that there is no time line for when grief will hit you. If you don't deal with grief it will come out in some way. I lost my Grandmother a year ago, and the loss of my dog triggered some incredibly healing tears for me. I had not been able to cry up until this last loss.
I learned that no matter what your conditioning as you were growing up, grief has to be expressed. It is a healthy response to loss. The human body needs to let go of trapped emotion or it can cause illness in many forms.
I miss my dog, but she is in a better place. She taught me many things about giving love and receiving it back as well. She has allowed me to grieve for other losses and understand the importance of being vulnerable. Thank you Sadie for the lessons in life you shared with me, and I will see you on the other side.........

SPIRITED WOMAN: First Ever Spirited Woman "Fall" Top 12 Picks! Wow-O-Wow

2010-09-24T14:17:00.000-07:00

SPIRITED WOMAN: First Ever Spirited Woman "Fall" Top 12 Picks! Wow-O-Wow

After clicking the live link on this article, we are 6 down in the picks! This is really great.

A New "Healing" Experience

2010-09-24T09:12:00.000-07:00

Just yesterday I had my first appointment with a woman whom I am trading services with. I am acting as her personal development life coach and she is helping me through some old issue by doing a body healing exercise with me. It is really turning out to be an amazing experience for the both of us.

When I coached her yesterday I was able to give an outsider's perspective to the situation she is right in the middle of. Since I am not going through it, I was able to see clearly what I needed to guide her to look at to get the answers she has been searching for. The answers have always been inside of her, I was just able to tap into the triggers that would allow her to see the path to follow. It was very empowering for me. It validated everything I know about myself on a level that was above anything I have felt before. I felt as much joy in helping her, as she did in receiving my help. When I got off the call, I was energized and felt like I could accomplish anything........I mean anything. It was an amazing feeling that lasted the entire day. When I think of what this means, it brings a huge smile to my face. As my chosen path, my job, I will be feeling amazing after my work. How great is that? We spend so much of our life working, that to be able to blend pleasure and work together is the most brilliant thing ever. It brings new meaning to loving what you do as well as finding my special purpose.

The trade happened with us the same day, but later in the evening. It was perfect because my kids were (sort of) in bed and I had privacy. My healer explained the process fully and I was very comfortable with what was about to transpire. She let me know that since we were on the phone, and not face to face, that she would be taking on my body's feelings temporarily so she could intuitively feel what I my body was feeling in response to the questions she would be asking. She did an invocation to start off that invited the divine and the other powers of the unknown to join us and help us with the healing journey. She placed a virtual shield of safety around both of us to keep us from harm during the session, and away we went.

Her voice was very soft and calming and she asked very specific questions about trapped emotions that my body was holding on to. As she asked the questions she was able to get messages from my body, that her body felt and then she could formulate the answer to the questions she asked. I laid in my bed, relaxed, and listened to what she way saying. I was truly amazed at how right on the answers to the specific questions she posed were. Let me give you an example. She asked if their was a trapped emotion of disgust in me, which there is, and she verified. We then spoke with each other interactively about what she saw and felt this disgust pertained to, and I replied about what I specifically knew the disgust pertained to. Between the both of us what we came up with made perfect sense to me, and after wards she did a ceremonial release of the emotion of disgust. She could feel it go out of her body, which was actually my body that she was temporarily in to feel my emotions, and I could also feel it. It was a tingling sensation in certain areas of my body, and upon talking about where we each felt it, they were exactly the same areas. Pretty unbelievable. The session was just short of an hour, and each time we released a trapped emotion, I felt something different inside of myself. I felt sort of clean and pure, and maybe a hint of what it felt like to be a brand new baby without any negative experiences in my soul.

I was pretty fatigued after the session was over, she explained what to expect in the next few days and let me know if I needed to talk to her about anything I experienced, that I was free to call. Because your body is getting rid of emotion which is toxin, she suggested I drink plenty of water. Also, body work is physically and mentally draining, she also recommended I be very aware of my feelings and interactions with others and practice good self care.

I am very excited to watch this all unfold. We both have at least 3 more sessions with each other and I am confident this will be a life changing experience for the both of us. We both marveled in the fact that we found each other in the 'internet sea' and knew immediately it was meant to be. (a little unplanned poetry there!) It truly is no accident that we are able to help each other with our specific gifts and I am convinced this is the beginning of an amazing journey into my next phase of life as a coach. I am proud to be putting my God given talents to work in a way that benefits myself as well as my clients.

2010-09-14T13:43:00.001-07:00

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EXPLOSION

2010-09-06T20:30:00.000-07:00

The relationship with my ex-husband is really starting to work. Meaning I feel like I am handling his emotions well. He has not changed but I am changing how I react to him. I have also decided that he will not be allowed to treat the boys the way he has treated me and my daughter in the past. My middle one came home from an overnight with him completely broken down. It broke my heart. He was teased and picked at the entire time, and was on the verge of tears when he came home. His Dad stayed for a while and was in his room with both boys and I could hear him picking on him. I said something about it, and the Dad asked my son if he felt like he was being mean to him. My son is very good about speaking his mind and said, yes Dad you have been at me all day and yesterday.

EXPLOSION!

The Dad reacted as he would with me during the marriage. Ranting, and cussing about how he wasn't f-ing picking on him. They had fun and that he was just a baby. He ended with I am out of here, gave the littler on a hug good bye and had to get in one more verbal dig by saying "I am out of here, your LITTLE baby brother is pissing me off" or something to that effect. My son yelled, "GOODBYE" and the door was slammed.

My heart was just breaking for him. I instantly hugged him and he teared up of course! What a jerk. This is NOT how you treat your kids. This is not how you treat anyone. This is exactly why I divorced him. I have been working very hard on myself and my relationship with my kids so they don't have to look back at their childhood and have memories like the one just created by his Dad. I talked with my son several different time throughout the day about this event. I let him know it is not okay to be treated like that by anyone, especially your parent. I let him know (he is 11) he can choose whether or not he spends time with his Dad. I also let him know that I wanted to talk to his Dad about getting some counseling for parenting. He thought that would be a good idea.

His reaction to this request will be interesting and I will deal with that when I get there. I just know that I cannot allow my kids to be mistreated like this.

Day 207: Crystal Church

2010-08-26T19:49:00.000-07:00

Day 207: Crystal Church
The "Get Inspired" Interview

“ … what comes right to my mind is to never give up, and I guess that life is always evolving and that it’s not like start and finish. It’s start, climb one hill, kind of smooth out for a little while, and then life will present another challenge that instead of letting it knock you down and make you curl up in a ball and not function, you just say ‘Okay, well, here it is, what are my resources, what do I need to do to get through this?’”

I have been reminded of who I am

2010-08-24T22:19:00.000-07:00

My life has changed so much in the past year that it is truly unbelievable. I don't want to sound like someone who is trying to promote anything, but seriously, since I have began a life coaching relationship with Maia and went through her personal development program (YOU University) my whole everything has changed.

The most noticeable to me is the way I feel inside. I am 42 years old and for the first time in my life I don't have internal turmoil going on inside of me. I don't feel anxious, worried, or stressed out for no apparent reason. I had physical responses of stress several times a day for reasons that I could not figure out. Goose bumps, clenched jaw, holding my breath and many other things would happen at any given time and I thought it was normal. I had been experiencing this for so long, I thought it was just me. I figured I was just a broken person.

I have been able to go back into my early childhood years and identify situations that created this stress (which over the years rolled into post traumatic stress syndrome) and work through these issues. I have been to counselors, therapists, and talked with many people throughout my life, but nothing came close to getting to the root of the problem AND dealing with it like YOU University and Maia have.

Beyond dealing with it, I have learned to more or less re-program how I think and feel. And actually I would have to say it was more like re-setting myself back to the point in my life where I didn't have all of the stresses. The pure and untainted soul of my little girl. I have always been inside of me, I just built up all of these barriers and defenses to keep everyone (including me) away from me.

Now I am at peace with me. I can trust myself and my intuitions. I can love myself and see that I am very capable and smart. I have great conversations with people because I am able to express myself in a manner that is not offensive. I have also began creating a new circle of people who nurture me, support me and that don't judge me for my mistakes. This has all happened for me because I changed my perspective of myself. I love me. As Maia so perfectly states, "I have been reminded of who I am."

Receiving Love and Gifts of Gratitude

2010-08-20T20:55:00.000-07:00

On a human level love and gratitude is validating. It gives purpose to our existence. On a personal level it makes me feel proud of the person I am. I feel rewarded by the gratitude. It makes me smile and have an energy that is vibrant and contagious.

If gratitude is hard to receive, I try to look at why. It may be that I don't feel like I deserve the gratitude. This could be because I know I could have done better, or it could be because I am not used to hearing it. In my life I have not heard much gratitude. It is not something I experienced in my family. It was almost viewed as a sign of weakness to express your gratitude to someone.

I really don't think having a hard time receiving compliments or gifts or love has anything to do with not having gratitude yourself. I think it has more to do with not having the proper amount of self esteem and self value. I think it is learned early on by the adults around you and what they role model. This is a good thing because it can be re-learned once you realize that you are not able to receive it properly. I have had to relearn this and it has been just as powerful as learning to have a grateful attitude. They both go hand in hand.

The Attitude of Gratitude

2010-08-19T21:44:00.000-07:00

My attitude of gratitude controls how happy I am in my life. Life still goes on and stuff is always happening, but my perception of the stuff that happens it so much brighter when I am able to find the gift. I have lived my life with no gratitude and it got me no where but depressed, broke and very addicted. My search for the perfect high was really my way of trying to create a sense of gratitude. But, I have since learned that no substance can give me this. It is only through my own choice of outlook that I can feel grateful. I give this to myself. No one else does. No substance does. This is actually a great thing. It costs nothing but my time and energy. I do not have to count on anyone to give it to me. And, it is available all of the time!

When I encounter that ungrateful person, I have no desire to be around them. I may try to get them to see how their attitude affects their life, but if I am met with resistance, I just try to remove myself from their presence as soon as possible. When this is not an option, like with my kids, I try to role model for them what great power gratitude has in it. If they are insisting on staying stuck in negativity, I listen, and then I ask them to try and state one positive thing about what ever is going on. They usually can. It is like changing a bad habit, I keep reinforcing the idea and eventually they will make the change. Hopefully they don't leave the nest and forget everything I taught them! But since the kids' Dads are perfect examples of ungrateful people and what you get from a negative attitude, I think they can see the contrast and will make the choice to be grateful.

Being ungrateful seems like such a waste of time and energy. It also affects the vibe around the ungrateful person. I want to see a positive change globally and when people don't buy into this it bothers me. It is defeating my purpose. On a personal level when my family is not grateful for the things I do, I am hurt. I feel like I am not valued. I am learning however that if family continues to be ungrateful, then I have to be the one to stop giving. Otherwise I am just setting myself up for disappointment. With my children, I don't stop giving. They are my students and I am to teach them. So, I explain to them the best I can how they are making me feel and that a consequence could be me ceasing to do the nice things I do. I explain that is not what I want to do, what I want is them to be grateful and to show that with their action or words.

This topic is going to need more than one entry, so I will leave it here for now.

being present in the moment at the river

2010-08-19T16:35:00.000-07:00

My experience in being trained by Maia Berens through YOU University

2010-08-19T15:32:00.000-07:00

My video description of the amazing experience of being trained as a life coach through YOU University.

My Life Coaching Career: What You University Represents to Me

2010-08-18T21:50:00.000-07:00

My Life Coaching Career: What You University Represents to Me: "

Click the above link for a great video on this topic

Blog hop Tuesday

2010-08-17T12:59:00.001-07:00

Click the cute icon to see what this is all about!

'Trading up" a post by YOU University Coach, Crystal Church

2010-08-12T22:22:00.000-07:00

Trading up is the topic this week in my online journal community, and it came just in time to help me apply it to something that just happened.

So, I am a new Life Coach and I recently changed the message on my answering machine to include this information. Well, I live in the same town as my Father, and he called while I was on the other line. The machine came on and he heard the message. When I called him back, he proceeded to make fun of me. Yeah, I know. How mature is that. Not to mention rude, and on and on and on. So, I did my ranting. Talked to my life coach about it. Did an anger exercise, twice, and went to work out.

Where does the trading up come in. Well, I would have in the past let his ignorance really get me down. It would have taken me a week to stop replaying his comments in my head. However, I “trade up” and decided to not allow this situation to dominate my day or my mind. I got over it fast. As a matter of fact, when I returned from my workout at the pool, I had forgotten the whole thing!

It feels great not to give him the power anymore. I am in control of what affects me. I also decided next time he makes this type of comment I am going to let him know that I don’t want to hear it. That if he can’t say nice, empowering things to me then I don’t want to hear from him. That should go over real well. But again, I am doing it for my own empowerment. I do not care about what it does to him. I am not here on this earth for him to destroy anymore!

And by the way, I know why he does what he does. And I don’t care anymore. I am not making excuses for his behavior anymore. I have been his punching bag for long enough. What really feels great is that in writing about this, I have no anger or sadness.

'Trading up" a post by YOU University Coach, Crystal Church

Making Strides

2010-08-05T21:36:00.000-07:00

I am currently reading "Healing the Shame that binds you" by John Bradshaw. It is an assigned reading for me by my life coach Maia Berens. I have been experiencing some familiar old feelings as I read through the material and it talks about the negative side of shame caused by various childhood abuses.

I have talked openly in this blog about being a survivor of incest and some of the other experiences I had growing up in an alcoholic family. I have also done some serious soul work to heal the effects of my past. I was however taken a bit by surprise as I mentioned in the beginning of this post, to have these intense feelings come rushing back prompted by reading the book. I first began to notice the anger. Thoughts like, why didn't you protect me? What were you thinking? How could you do those awful things to your own child? My anger actually creeped into our group coaching call and when it was my turn to talk I tried to express it. I don't feel like I was too successful in relaying my feelings to the group, but they seemed to get that I was in distress. Maia, who identifies with the situation understood and agreed to talk with me about in more detail the following day. Both of the other group members touched base with me to also offer their support. This was an amazing feeling. And actually now that I think about it, this show of support and unity is a big part of how I was able to move away from the feeling of "being out of control" much quicker that in the past.

In earlier years of dealing with memories or flashbacks of abuse I would shut down for several days. More specifically I would become withdrawn and non-communicative with the people in my life. I would feel tired and want to sleep more and basically get really depressed. Not this time! I had great conversations with my fellow coaches and with their help was able to see the growth that I have accomplished and the wonderful things I have done in light of my abusive upbringing. I was able to see the reaction for what it was, just that, a reaction. Not the abuse happening again.

The amount of time spent in a "funk" was less than 24 hours. I did not shut myself off, actually the contrary. I was open to talking about my feelings and navigating my way through them. AND the big thing for me was that I had the tools to work through the issue. I have learned so much lately from being in a coaching group, having an incredible life coach, keeping an open minded and doing my work in YOU University. I am proud of myself. I feel great. I am continuing to read the book without fear of what it might trigger because I know that I can handle it and it will be a learning experience for me.

When I step back and take a look at the big picture, I can really appreciate this latest experience. It can be used as another teaching tool for my clients. I can relate to people who have gone through this same trauma (with my first hand experience) AND show them the tools that are available to help them deal with it. More specifically I can facilitate their journey through YOU University in a unique and personal way.

Just one more validating experience in the journey as a YOU University life coach!

A Conversation that never was

2010-07-28T20:33:00.000-07:00

THE PROBLEM:

I am really sick of how you are such a part-time Dad and that the only time you want to take your kids is when it is convenient for you. Your partying always comes first. You are almost 50 years old and you keep acting like a child. You make me sick. You don't care about building a relationship with them. You certainly aren't concerned about my stress level. If you did you would answer the phone when I call and need you to help out with them.

I know you are a liar and probably always have been. Who am I kidding. You have lied the entire time I have known you. I let you, I was so needy that I ignored the signs. I wasn't perfect either. I was not faithful and I lied about it. We killed our relationship with drugs and alcohol and the final straw was my sobriety. You never supported me in that, and now you are going off the deep end. What a loser you are.

Sometimes I wish you would just disappear. Fade out of our lives so that your inconsistencies with the kids would stop being hurt by you. But that would be a catch 22, they would be heart broken. Really I just want you to have no affect on me or them and that only seems possible if you just go away.

You are ignorant and arrogant. I am done with men like you. I deserve better, I am better. I am done being held captive by men like you who prey on my neediness. I am not needy anymore. I do not need someone to make me whole. I am completing myself. When I am ready to attract the right person into my life I will. As a matter of fact, from now on, whatever I need in my life I will attract.

I have always had the power to manifest what I need. I just was hiding from it. I have created incredible children, yes you helped, but from here on out I will teach them how to also manifest everything they need. This is my gift to you and me.

THE QUESTION:
I'm curious... why did you go with this guy in the first place.
I see this all the time. Women going with guys, that you know won't go anywhere, its just not a good match. do they think they will change these guys.. is their an attraction to these "bad boys" what is it?

THE ANSWER:
Great question, and I didn't used to know the answer to it. I thought growing up that it had something to do with the "bad boy" image, and in part it does.

In order for you to understand I need to explain the environment I grew up in. This is not an excuse for my choices in men, but it does have a huge impact. My Dad was an alcoholic who beat the hell out of my Mom and terrorized us both. He also sexually abused me and raped her. He was mean, and there was constant chaos in my environment. The extended family was always yelling, cussing, fighting and drinking at any gathering or holiday. The kids were allowed to drink at an early age of about 8 or so, it was just normal. All of the craziness was normal life to me.

I think what felt familiar, is what I attracted, and also what felt right when I found it. The men I dated and the man I married did not treat me good. I knew they didn't but I thought it was normal man/woman behavior. I also felt very negative about myself inside and that I was getting what I deserved. I was desperate to be loved. I spent many years in bad relationships and being addicted to alcohol and drugs. I thought I liked life out of control.

During all of this time I was a productive person in society and well liked. I have always had a side of me that is very smart and spiritual, it just didn't get the chance to shine. I felt like I was mostly in survival mode. Once I started connecting with people who didn't live in chaos, and I decided that being an addict was not how I wanted to live, I could see that the choices I was making were creating my crappy life and bad relationships. But for the longest time I just played the victim and figured this is the hand that life had dealt me.

I am so grateful that I know now that I am in control of how I live and who I live my life with. I know that I deserve more than the 'bad boy' who is going to treat me bad. I know that my needs matter and that there are people out there who know how to have a good relationship. I am also learning to love myself and not be so desperate to be loved. One of the hardest lessons I learned that was love and sex are not synonymous. I was taught this concept wrong by being sexualized and I had to re-learn it the hard way.

With all of this being said, I really am glad I have the experiences I have. They give me so much knowledge to share with others and wonderful skills for parenting. I know exactly what I do NOT want for my kids because of what I went through. I also know that someday when the time is right I will attract a 'good guy' who is willing to have a give and take relationship. It is a an exciting thought really, to have a healthy relationship.

Crystal and Cooper on Journaling

2010-07-21T13:03:00.000-07:00

Why is self-care so difficult for me?

2010-07-14T20:45:00.000-07:00

I thought this was the perfect topic since I have been sick for the past two days. I have been literally beating myself up because I feel very non-productive. I try to work despite feeling horrible and make myself feel even worse. I don't feel worthy of just laying on the couch. I don't really want to focus on why I do this (I know it stems from things ingrained in me from earlier in life)but what I do want to focus on is how to change it. If I don't change how I take care of myself, I will end up sick like I am today.

So, what does self care look like to me. It looks like working with balance. Taking time out of my day every few hours. Since I work from home, sometimes I find myself overworking. If I were at a job place I would take breaks every so often because it is mandatory. I need to implement this same behavior at home. I also need to be consistent in taking days off. As my own boss, I need to stick to a schedule and take at least 2 days off per week to avoid burnout and illness. I need to be honest with myself and when I am feeling an emotion, I need to address it. Not stuff it and ignore it so it can come out as anger, or illness.

As I sit here and type this, I am thinking to myself how simple these things sound. But time and time again, I ignore my body and then I have a breakdown in my system whether it be physical or mental. I do not want to continue to do this. I have received some great ideas from my life coach, and actually they have been assignments. She knows if she assigns me something, I will do it. I am driven, so she taps into that. What she is so clever about though, is what she assigns. For instance, she will tell me that each day of the week I have to do something fun. Even if it is for five minutes. This I also find difficult but rewarding when I adhere to it.

The simple act of pampering one's self is not what I was raised to believe is good. It has always been perceived as lazy. This has created a very hard working individual in me, but it also creates turmoil. I get sick. I either mentally freak out on someone, or I get physically ill. One way or another my body is going to let me know I need to slow down. So, I am going to make a bullet list at the end of this post and make it my top priority to stick to it!

Crystal's Self Care List:
* Take breaks during my work day, at least every 2 hours
* Take at least 2 days off each week
* Do 1 fun thing everyday, even if it is only for 5 minutes
* Do something indulgent at least once a month (pedicure, massage, etc)
* Acknowledge and deal with feelings that pop up, do not ignore them
* Keep telling myself I am not lazy and I deserve "Crystal" time

Relationship Support For Me And My Martian

2010-07-11T22:25:00.000-07:00

Relationship Support For Me And My Martian

A Testimonial to the Power Of Forgiveness

2010-07-10T20:11:00.000-07:00

A Testimonial to the Power Of Forgiveness

A bit about my Life Coach, Maia Berens

2010-07-06T22:31:00.000-07:00

I love Maia.
I will speak of just today and what she did to help me. If I spoke of all of the occasions it would take a month!

We had a one-on-one coaching call scheduled and when she asked me how I was, that is all it took for her to hear in my voice that there was something wrong. She immediately focused on what I needed. She asked my what was wrong and I began to babble, literally, about sprint and how they are jacking me around, Cooper and how he didn't go to sleep until after midnight last night (mind you, he is 3 and I was wiped out), Alex and how she wants to be treated like an adult but still wants to act like the 18 year old she is, how I was emotional and pms-ing, how my to-do list was so long that I couldn't see the end of it, how I have family all around me and no one offers support, how being a single parent sucks, and on and on and on.........

After I went on for a while Maia, said her famous line that snaps me back into reality, "I get it, now what are we going to do about it". So then I began to list off all of the things I had already decided to put into motion, from my coaching call with Adrienne the night before, you see I have been having this meltdown for 2 days now! Anyway, overwhelmed was the predominant feeling today. The immediate problem was the yelling match I just had with Alex, and how shitty I was feeling because of it. I knew I had been grouchy and was taking it out on her, but I couldn't communicate with her.

This is where Maia really stepped in as a mentor, coach, and FRIEND. She offered to talk to the both of us at the same time. We put her (Maia) on speaker phone and even though Alex was a bit resistant at first she really heard Maia. Maia has this way of always being objective. To not take sides, which I am sure Alex assumed she would do. Maia gave Alex permission not to talk if she was not comfortable, since this was the first time they had interacted in this way. Maia asked us each to briefly explain the problem as we saw it, she listened, and then she gave feedback. She did not defend me or Alex. She just pointed out how each of us saw the situation and then asked each of us if our perceptions were correct. I admitted that what Alex was feeling was true. This was huge for my daughter to hear from me. Maia asked Alex to realize that she is being heard.

One of the most important things Maia did with the two of us today, was to keep it brief. We didn't go on an on about what we were mad about. We vented, we listened and then she gave us an assignment that we both agreed to do. This assignment will move us to the next level in our relationship. It addresses the change that is occurring in our relationship.

Alex just graduated from High School and our relationship is changing, to one sort like roommates I guess you would say. She wants to be treated like an adult and I want to give her that freedom but I still need to hold her accountable and be the parent as well. Maia suggested that we each:
1. make a list of our expectations of each other, and
2. write about how we ideally would like our relationship to be

Much to my surprise after the tears and the anger, Alex happily agreed to the assignment as well as checking back in on Friday to discuss what we wrote down on our lists. She was calm after the call, we were able to say "I love you" to each other and the overall feeling in the house was much, much better.

I am proud of Alex for being willing to do this call with Maia and I.
I am proud of myself for listening and admitting to my part of the whole situation.
I am mostly proud to have such an amazing woman in my life. Maia is a friend forever. She gives herself completely. I really needed her today and she was there for me and my family. She is the person who can help me be the parent I want to be, and all I have to do is ask. She is the person who empowers me to be a life coach and share my knowledge gained through my experiences to others in the same way she does. She is the person that makes me realize that we can make a difference in this world, one person at a time.

I Love her, I admire her, she allows me to be equal with her. She does not use her gifts as a power over me, she willingly shares them to help me excel in life. I have never know a person like this, who doesn't put a price on their friendship. Who doesn't resent me for needing her help or make me feel like I owe her something. She is genuine.
She IS the Fairy godmother she professes to be.

YOU University Essentials

2010-06-30T14:14:00.000-07:00

Crystal's Gift

2010-06-28T21:22:00.000-07:00

My purpose is to be honest. To empower others by not holding back my intuition and knowledge from them. It may very well be the piece they need to the puzzle in their life. I could be that one bit of information that creates a spark in their mind and makes them pull down the wall that has been blocking their success.

Most of my earlier years where spent being told how I conduct myself was out of line. Too brutal, too honest. Actually I think many people labeled me as brutally honest. I may have been? What I have worked really hard on in my personal development is communicating in a way this is not damaging. I try not come into a conversation with anger and I avoid saying hurtful things. I have learned in going through the buildings of You University that I will not be heard if I talk to someone in a negative way. I mean I wouldn't listen either. Only my anger will be felt and any message I am trying to convey will fall on deaf ears as they say. How effective is that? NOT effective at all!

There are two specific tools that come to mind right now, that I have finally given into and used with great results. One the anger exercise, and two the love letter that I often talk about. I was really resistant at first to use these tools, I could not see how some writing exercise, or saying something to myself in the mirror could help in any way. I mean, how could something outside of me, help. WELL.....I can easily say that I was wrong. These tools did work for me and still do. I will admit to still having some resistance to using them, but not because I doubt that they work, but because I am so used to feeling anger that I almost want to stay in it. The great part is that with the help of my coach and coaching group, I can easily be reminded of the power of the exercises. And, to be perfectly honest I am not as comfortable feeling angry for long periods of time like I used to be. It used to be a way of living for me. Always looking at the negative or always having something negative to say. I seemed to attract those same personality types into my life as well. Makes sense, they do say misery loves company.

Now, I really enjoy being able to lift someone up if they are in a negative spot. I started this entry by talking about my purpose, and how it is being honest with people. This goes hand in hand with lifting them up. I don't have to be brutally honest, I can do it in a way that allows them to hear what I am saying in a positive light. I find that I have a clarity in what needs to be said. I am direct and don't beat around the bush. I break it down into the simplest way of explaining so there is no way for misinterpretation of my words. The person I am talking to knows exactly where I am coming from, they don't have to wonder or read between the lines. This can bring out the same quality in a person I am interacting with, and lead to an amazing conversation filled with revelations and understanding. The ability of a person to move forward from the point of the block then presents itself. It is a good quality in leading people. It is a good quality in teaching what I have experienced.

My purpose is just that. To pass on what I have learned in a way that is easy to understand and discuss. My purpose is to empower the person I am interacting with, so that the relationship can grow. This is what gives me great satisfaction. When I realized that my purpose gave me great satisfaction, I knew I was on the right path in life. I know that I am doing what I was designed to do. I am capitalizing on all of the experiences that have led me to this point in time. It is truly amazing!

Goal of the human experience

2010-06-18T15:59:00.000-07:00

Wonder Woman

2010-06-11T01:33:00.001-07:00

Hello Wonder Woman,
Your name tells me a lot about you. I too am a Wonder Woman. It is a tough job, and the best advice I have received lately (just last week) was to take my cape off and take some pressure off myself to do it all (thank you Maia). I am only telling you this because I see similarities between us. I too am very focused on being a good parent and not damaging my kids, so much that I also feel guilty for making mistakes that may have a lasting effect on my kids in their own lives. The truth of the matter is that we as parents will make mistakes. My parents did, I have, and you probably have. That is how we learn, that is also how kids learn. I really love what Maia said about talking with your son. Really no matter what age he is, you can always talk to him on his level and explain that Mom, Mommy or Mother is not perfect. She is human, and humans make mistakes. I try to do this whenever I screw up with my own kids and they are 18, 11 and 3. Of course how I tell them varies with the age, but I still let them see that I can admit when I have done something wrong. I think it helps them to see that if they make mistakes they can do the same thing. I try to tell them what I plan to do so that I don't repeat the mistake and invite them to help me in implementing the change. Maia taught me this. Her specific example was in reference to me wanting to stop yelling when I get mad. She told me to tell the kids that they could ask me to take a time out when I start to loose it. It has actually become quite humorous. When I start to rant or become unreasonable they (and their friends) will say, "I think Mom needs a timeout." I usually end up laughing at hearing them tell me that I need to chill and that diffuses the situation.

My favorite word to explain how I like to parent is 'collaboratively'. It is actually my new favorite word. But it seems to take the pressure off me if I involve them in the parenting process. They get to feel like they have some say in the relationship and I get to feel like I am not in it alone. Of course, I am the parent, I do have the final say, but I am willing to listen (most of the time) to their view of the situation. That is how I do it. It works for me, again, most of the time. But as I said before I am not perfect and sometimes there are just those days when chaos happens. It happens in the real world and I am parenting real kids in the real world.

~Crystal

Step into your life...continued

2010-06-09T09:35:00.001-07:00

I woke up still thinking about my blog yesterday and needed to write more about it.

The last part of step into your life talks about "What change do you want to see most occur in the world and how can you facilitate it?" In my view in order to see a change in the world it has more...
The last part of step into your life talks about "What change do you want to see most occur in the world and how can you facilitate it?" In my view in order to see a change in the world it has to start with each and every individual, the first one being myself. That is what is so exciting about the prospect of change. I am dedicated to personal growth and as long as I worry about myself and set an example for others to learn by I am doing my part in the whole shift that we truly need in our world today.

After writing yesterday about others not accepting my straight forward attitude, I received an eye opening quote from a colleague in AZ. Here it is:

"No one can make you feel
inferior without your consent."

Eleanor Roosevelt (1884-1962)
American first lady,
humanitarian, and UN diplomat

This is a big huge reminder that I am definitely in control of my own life. My goals, my dreams, my successes, my failures, and my emotions. So if I have any reaction to how others react to me, I chose it. I can chose to let people make me feel inferior as the quotes says, or I can let it roll off my back and embrace who I am and the positive sides to my personality.

Of course I know that I am in charge of how I react, but forget. I get caught up in the emotional reaction and playing the victim. I think that is why I love this community of people who are dedicated to spiritual growth, it helps me remember all of the important concepts that I need to apply to my life to contribute to the shift within me. This then creates the ripple effect that I find myself talking about a lot. That is what I want my life to be about. Personal development that creates a new vibe on our beautiful planet. A feeling of peace and love that everyone is familiar with and willing to strive for.

Step into your life...

2010-06-08T20:06:00.001-07:00

I am direct, I am starting to learn that this is a gift. Most of my life I have been criticized for this quality. Since I have been collaborating with my coaching group and this community I am finding out that this directness, if done in a kind way, is a good trait. People don't have to read between the lines with me because I am straight forward. It is easy to know where I am coming from and how I feel. The community of people who are focused on growth and spirituality seem to embrace this personality type much easier than those less open to change.

It feels like some are threatened by my direct nature. The truth without all of the pretty flowery language is scary. I am really glad to have had this brought to my attention. For so many years I felt like I was to overbearing, that what I had to say was not worthy. I was afraid I was going to be criticized or told to keep my comments to myself. This carried over into giving people constructive criticism. I feared that people would think I thought I was better than them, or what they had to say was no good. I would be very unsure in my response when asked to give feedback. I didn't want anyone to get mad at me.

I need to give credit where credit is due and tell my coach Maia Berens thank you for being patient with me on this issue. Just today she told me she understood now why I would be so unsure when giving her feedback or editing suggestions. I love that she took the time to figure the dynamics of my personality enough to be able to come to this conclusion and share it with me. That is a true professional and a wonderful friend. I have not had many of these types of people in my life. It is refreshing. It also allowing me to see my worth and value and know that what I have to say is good stuff.

Thank you Maia.
You are empowering me to become who I really am!

Side note:
Maia Berens is also the founder of You University. This is a comprehensive program that will be available to the public soon! I am currently enrolled and I am experiencing incredible personal growth and development. I am also a coach featured to facilitate others through the program. It is incredible~can't wait for the launch!

My Purpose

2010-06-03T19:34:00.000-07:00

In defining my purpose, I would have to say it would be to share my personal life experiences with others to help them in their personal growth.

I am executing that by being a life coach! I am impacting the world one person at a time. I am living what I teach. I am teaching my children what I know. I am creating the ripple that will turn into a wave of peace throughout our planet.

I am fascinated with understanding our paths and the reason for our journey on earth. I believe each experience we have has it purpose. I love to reflect and learn.

This is what my life to be about. The journey and how to make the best of it. How to show others what I am discovering.

Boundaries......Part 2

2010-06-01T00:42:00.001-07:00

I uncovered another negative consequence of not setting boundaries today. I realized that if I don't set boundaries for myself in my work, then I end of exhausted. I also can tend to see any and all needs from others as demands that really piss me off. This all stems from not being able to set the boundary and also recognize when I have crossed my own boundary and pushed myself too hard. I get tired, bitchy and see normal to-do's as huge inconveniences. It is a crazy cycle that I get myself all hyped up in. This was a great topic of discussion in our group coaching call today. It was led by Heather and she picked the theme for today's discussion. It was perfect. It was exactly what I needed to look at from a different perspective that related directly to how hard I push myself. I don't respect my own boundaries enough to stop when it is time. I just keep pushing harder and harder. This drive can be a good quality, I get a lot accomplished and I don't have to be hounded to get something done. BUT, it can be negative as well. This last week it was negative. I didn't listen to my body and mind telling me to give it a rest. I waited until I had a headache and I felt sick before I stopped. I got really crabby and negative in situations that I would normally meet with no problem. This of course causes a ripple effect for the people around me. My business colleagues, my friend, and my family all feel like they are under attack and probably feel guilty if they ask me to do anything. I am glad to have been able to recognize this and get some positive feedback from the coaching group. They gave me the tip to try and recognize the meltdown before it happens and allow myself to take a break. They also made it clear that if I ever feel overwhelmed by anything we are doing, that I need to speak up and say so. Essentially I need to state my needs. Listen to my own body and honor it. I came to the conclusion that this is an area that I do need to work on. It is something I really thought I didn't have a problem with. But clearly I do. I am excited to implement this new way of treating myself. I look forward to understanding the balance I need to be as productive as possible without damaging myself and the people around me that I love.

Boundaries

2010-05-28T00:14:00.000-07:00

I was having a great coaching session with my good friend Adrienne. We were discussing the feedback on my You Tube videos and how it affected me. I was analyzing my reaction during and after the conversation with the person I was asking feedback from. At first, I understood and was thankful for the honest tips. After the call I was motivated to change everything about how I look. Even longer after the cal, I began feeling hurt and worthless. After I discussed the feelings I had in the journal community I felt empowered again to keep making my videos but to chart my progress in hopes that others could learn from what I was experiencing.

So, let me get back to the point. I was talking to Adrienne asking her to help me figure out why I have a delay in my reactions to situations that bother me deep down inside. I know my feelings are hurt, I try to pretend they aren't. I even convince myself that I am okay with everything. I know somewhere inside of me that the meltdown is going to happen, but I try to act like it is not. I act if everything is okay and then I realize eventually it is not okay.

We (Adrienne) and I began looking back in my week at what really triggered this feeling of unworthiness that was prompting me to want to give up on my life coaching. It stemmed from the comments my Dad made to me days before the call I set up to receive feedback and suggestion on how to make my videos more effective. I first reacted to what my Dad said with no response to him. I did not tell him I didn't appreciate what he said, I just let it roll of my back. Then I vented to my coaching group and said I was fine. I thought I was. A few days later I shut down. Not for long, but I shut down and began to doubt myself. Then, because I don't give up, I reached out for help from my friend and she helped me to see what the underlying cause of all of the unworthiness was.

It was me NOT setting boundaries. Not telling my Dad that the way he was talking to me was not acceptable. It started the whole cycle. I feel like I don't have a say. I convince myself I am fine with whatever has gone on. It starts to fester inside of me and I get angry. I begin to play the situation over and over in my head until I shut down. So what the little wise woman pointed out to me was that if I set my boundaries I could skip the denial and shut down steps of this process that I don't like. I decided, that if I carry that one step further and allow myself to be upset, grieve, feel the emotions for however long I need to, before analyzing it, I can move through the emotions instead around them.

My emotions were being ignored or skipped over and that was what caused me to shut down. My inner self, in order to not go crazy, made me have emotional overload causing me to shut down and deal with the emotions I tried to ignore.

Of course, being the analytical person I am, I took this one step further and realized ignoring my emotions or denying them is directly related to being abused and told to be quiet about it. Or having a feeling of fright or anger that I was told I should not show. Not being allowed to cry. Being made to feel like I was exaggerating the situation in my home. It makes perfect sense to me now. And what really blows me away is that I had NO idea that it came from me needing to set boundaries. What a trickle down effect this can have. So many areas of my life, that seem so unrelated, are completed related to the inability to set boundaries.

Now with this new knowledge and understanding of myself, I can see how setting my boundaries can really change my life in a positive way. It is exactly what I am learning in the You University program. That "Life is a school", with each new bit of information I can correlate it to my history and apply it to my future story and have more of an impact on the outcome. I can create my life. I can make it be the way I want it to be. I am in control of my own destiny instead of a victim of my circumstance. This is powerful stuff. I mean powerful.

Trading Up

2010-05-26T12:29:00.001-07:00

Trading up is the topic this week in my online journaling community, and it came just in time to help me apply it to something that just happened.

So, I am a new Life Coach and I recently changed the message on my answering machine to include this information. Well, I live in the same town as my Father, and he called while I was on the other line. The machine came on and he heard the message. When I called him back, he proceeded to make fun of me. Yeah, I know. How mature is that. Not to mention rude, and on and on and on. So, I did my ranting. Talked to my life coach about it. Did an anger exercise, twice, and went to work out.

Where does the trading up come in. Well, I would have in the past let his ignorance really get me down. It would have taken me a week to stop replaying his comments in my head. However, I "trade up" and decided to not allow this situation to dominate my day or my mind. I got over it fast. As a matter of fact, when I returned from my workout at the pool, I had forgotten the whole thing!

It feels great not to give him the power anymore. I am in control of what affects me. I also decided next time he makes this type of comment I am going to let him know that I don't want to hear it. That if he can't say nice, empowering things to me then I don't want to hear from him. That should go over real well. But again, I am doing it for my own empowerment. I do not care about what it does to him. I am not here on this earth for him to destroy anymore!

And by the way, I know why he does what he does. And I don't care anymore. I am not making excuses for his behavior anymore. I have been his punching bag for long enough. What really feels great is that in writing about this, I have no anger or sadness.

Personal Experiences that lend to Life Coaching

2010-05-21T21:38:00.000-07:00

I had a request for some examples of the personal experiences I have had in my life that add to my Life Coaching skills. What a great suggestion.

Let me start with my childhood. I am a survivor of incest. I grew up in an alcoholic environment filled with violence. Living this felt normal, I really thought everyone had this kind of life. I also had great experiences. A loving family, lots of friends, spoiled, loved school, active in sports and made good grades.Growing up like this made me strong and resilient. I was a driven and determined child. No one really knew why, but it was obvious I was head strong, some even labeled it ornery.

It wasn't until into my 20's that my past came back to haunt me. I quickly became addicted to drugs and alcohol because it was a great escape for me. I always wanted to be high, or as messed up as possible, I thought it was fun not to feel. I thought I was just an out of control party animal who was destined to be a failure. What I learned after the birth of my first child was that I was running from the demons of my childhood. The abuse had been blocked from my mind until the information was needed to keep my own child safe. Memories of my abuse came flooding back and this time in my life was very intense. Again, I proved to be able to endure more than others. I learned in this part of my life how to reach out for help and network with those who could guide me. I became an expert on myself and incest. I studied it from every angle because I was driven to understand it and put a stop to the cycle. I did by the way, stop it.

I was a single parent for 5 years before I married a man who was not the Father of my first born. We had 2 children in our 10 existence together.I am thankful to him for the children and keeping me safe in a time when I felt very insecure and unstable. Unfortunately, I was clinging to him because I was looking for someone to take me away from all of my pain. I needed someone who believed my abuse story. This was him. I needed that so much that I ignored all other signs that it was not a good choice. I ignored my powerful intuition and learned another important thing in life, we need to listen to our inner voice. We need to as women not loose our identity when we enter a relationship. I matter. What I think, feel and have to say is valid. We all deserve to be heard, acknowledged and loved. Abuse can be mental. It can be disguised as love. I learned that the only person you can change is yourself.

I am a single parent again, learning to love myself and gain my personal power back. I am re-learning what a dynamic person I am with many gifts and talents to offer others. I am very good at listening to my intuition and offering feedback for people in situations I have experienced. I am living the "Life is a School" concept. I love to learn and connect with others who also want to learn. I know that my self awareness will be valuable to my children. It will show them how they can achieve the same level of happiness and fulfillment in their lives. I do not claim to be perfect, but I do let them know I am open to growth and suggestions.

My children are from toddler to teen and my first priority. They have taught me so much about myself because they are little reflections of me. I have given them the voice I never felt like I had, which has opened up the lines of communication between parent and child. They are not afraid. They are not bound by what they can't do, they only know what they will do. They are encouraged. They are normal, don't get me wrong, and I try to embrace even their brattiest of moments. They represent a new generation of people who can look within themselves for love and support as well as accept those around them for who they are and take from them what they need to be happy. Not in a bad sense of taking, but recognizing the good in others and incorporating that into who they are.

My ongoing search for understanding, peace inside of me, happiness and constant learning makes me a valuable person. If you are seeking guidance on your own journey of personal development I am someone with enough life experience to connect with you on many levels. And the best part of all is the opportunity I will have to learn even more from a collaborative coaching experience!

I am a single parent again, learning to love myself and gain my personal power back. I am re-learning what a dynamic person I am with many gifts and talents to offer others. I am very good at listening to my intuition and offering feedback for people in situations I have experienced. I am living the "Life is a School" idea. I love to learn and connect with others who also want to learn. I know that my self awareness will be valuable to my children. It will show them how they can achieve the same level of happiness and fulfillment in their lives. I do not claim to be perfect, but I do let them know I am open to growth and suggestions.

Working hard on You University Promotion

2010-05-16T23:46:00.000-07:00

I had never experienced such intense excitement for a project, until I began to work on the marketing launch of You University.

First I should explain what that is. You University is an amazing comprehensive curriculum for personal growth that was created by my life coach Maia Berens. Maia has been in the personal development industry for many years, as a matter of fact, she worked closely with John Gray. His name probably sounds familiar because he wrote the famous book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus". It sold millions of copies and opened our eyes to a whole new of understanding of relationships. Maia was John's assistant and ran many of his workshops thus learning valuable skills and meeting fabulous people. These tools, and her own life experiences, are the foundation for You University. The school is a study of your own personal history and exercises aimed at changing how you view your life. Ultimately, you will embrace all of your experiences, good and bad, as the reasons for you being the incredible person you are today.

I am very fortunate to be a part of the implementation of this incredible program.As a coach trained under Maia, I take clients through the University. I am proud to also be a big part of the marketing and upcoming launch of You University. This program is very effective and will change how people view their lives and their experiences. This in turn will lend to the world shift that is going on right now. We are moving to a place of peace and acceptance, this starts with each individual, which You University facilitates perfectly.

All of this is why I am so excited to be working so hard. It is a great cause and amazing program. I look forward to being part of this positive change in the lives of our amazing human race.

"Getting to know me" Crystal Church ~ Life Coach

2010-05-16T23:20:00.000-07:00

What I do as a Life Coach

2010-05-11T18:32:00.000-07:00

Mother's Day

2010-05-09T21:17:00.000-07:00

The infamous day of honoring our Mother's or being honored by our children, Mothers day. But what does that really mean? Buying flowers, gifts, gathering to eat a meal are some of the traditional ways the day is recognized. So much of what we do is dictated by what society and marketing professionals pitch to us that we should do to line their pockets with money from the revenue created by our spending frenzies. I dream for the Mother's Day when it is truly about honoring the role of women in our society. The caretakers, the cook, the housekeeper, the taxi driver are some of the many roles that women play in one single day. I would like to be recognized for this with words and gestures that are done by the people we serve daily as a thanks for our constant support. I am not saying that people don't do this, but I wonder what it would look like if we were not allowed to buy anything to celebrate the day?

You University

2010-05-08T16:27:00.000-07:00

If you think it, you can do it!

2010-05-05T09:45:00.000-07:00

"If you think you can do a thing or think you can't do a thing, you're right. "
Henry Ford

Mr. Ford had the original quote and it has been modified through time. There is obvious power in these words. Without this way of thinking our ability to travel would be greatly affected. Our thoughts are the first thing in the creation process. The start to the manifestation process that "sparks" idea and catapults it into an accomplishment.

Today I am grateful for the power of positive thinking~

How we present ourselves matters

2010-05-04T11:30:00.000-07:00

Feeling Empowered

2010-05-02T21:31:00.000-07:00

I decided to be brave and go public with my Life Coaching career plans. I know this sounds strange, but the thought of being judged has held me back many times in my life. Well, no more! I don't want to allow what others may think, stop me from following my dreams. I also want to show my kids that if something really feels right, and they want to pursue it (as long as it is legal and doesn't harm others) then they should go for it. I will encourage them to stand at the top of the mountains and shout out to everyone just how happy they are to have tapped into what makes them feel awesome.

Since I started sharing my dream and plan, I have been pleasingly surprised at the really cool feedback I have been getting from people. Even the ones who have known me all of my life and I felt most likely to be judged by. This is really empowering. It feels really good to have support. I think I have been too self conscious in the past and I didn't allow others a chance to stand behind me. I made the mistake of assuming I would be criticized and this kept me from really taking the necessary chances to make dreams come true. I was not utilizing my true talents and personal power.

..........wow, am I ever glad I was able to become aware of this.

The dance

2010-05-02T12:40:00.000-07:00

It's May Day!

2010-05-01T21:19:00.000-07:00

May day makes me think of my Grandma Kathryn who passed away this last November. She was a really special part of my life, as anyone who is close to me knows. She used to put flowers on my doorstep every year the first of May. She had that special way of making you feel like the only person in the world who mattered. My Mom and I decided to honor her today and go place the most beautiful flowers on her mausoleum. It was a nice bonding moment for us.

Even though today could have made me sad, because I miss my Grandma so much, I found myself applying the principles I have learned from my life coach Maia. She has created a program for working on your personal development called You University. The exercise I used today is called "finding the gift". Each time you find yourself in a negative situation, you try to find at least one gift in it. So the gift for today was the time I got to spend with my Mom carrying on a May day tradition that Gram taught us. Placing the flowers at the cemetery was as close as we could get to placing them at Heaven's door ........it felt really good to honor Grandma Kathryn in this way.

My Mom and I are the new matriarchs of this family and it is important that we carry on the traditions that made our family stay connected while Gram was alive. We need to recognize each other on our special days and during the holidays. Take the time out of our busy lives to just say "hello" and "I love you". Spend time together laughing and having fun and being there to lend a helping hand. These all sound like gratifying tasks to me!

Having Fun making Vids

2010-04-30T21:09:00.000-07:00

Today I made my 2nd You Tube video that you can access by clicking on my picture, and I must say I am really having fun with this. It is totally not scripted and right from the gut. I pick a topic in my mind and go for it. I find it is really helpful to see myself talking about what I am doing. It makes it "real". I am very excited to be launching my Personal Development Life Coaching career with social media networking. The possibilities are endless. I think I am even more excited to know that all of the experiences that I made it through are great tools in working with clients. I have first hand knowledge with lots of topics that others struggle with. I believe that hearing from another person who has lived what you are dealing with is very powerful. It certainly has been for me. I have made some radical changes in my life by collaborating with others for guidance. Most recently it has been my life coach Maia and the group of women I talk with once a week. We have all become Soul Sisters in our journey to transform our lives.............stay tuned for more details!

The "Get Inspired" interview

2010-04-26T08:31:00.000-07:00

I invite you to listen to my interview for the "Get Inspired" project! It is 365 interviews in 365 days on the subject of what inspires people, me specifically, on Day 207!
Click here
Thank You,
Crystal